Excalibre- where we discover our inherent potential

How and When to Tell Jokes

2010-08-02T20:40:00.003+05:30

Recapping and Revisiting

Being humorous is the greatest stress buster and if used inappropriately is the originator of a mammoth stress. Humor is the antidote of tension, it creates space where none exists, makes the conversation more amenable, enriching and interesting. In some cases it wakes the other up – shakes him to take notice.

I had thought on strating this composition that I should define what humor means to me. However, every time I tried to, I had to go and lie down with a cold wet cloth on my head.

A familiar situation faced by most across spectrum.

What is funny? Short answer is; who knows or god knows or I don’t know.

The joke that triggers a burst of laughter from one might be met with disdain, contempt and a puzzled look from the other. In general, need to steer clear of jokes at any business, social or religious gathering, where there are more than two people in my conversational group- and if there are only two people – consisting of you and your pal- then go ahead full steam.

It’s natures gift that only a few of us possess an impeccable sense of timing, appropriateness, beverity and joke delivery. I am probably not – statistically speaking – one of them.

I may be quite funny and have a bottomless fund of great jokes, yet there is a place for jokes – during half time, over dinner, hiking with pals, and business, social and formal gatherings with colleagues, acquaintances, are not it.

Aside from saving me from the embarrassment of a joke that falls flat, there is a bigger issue- jokes aren’t really conversation.

Although a well placed joke can set off a discussion, provide much needed lightness, create space or illuminate a subject, yet it is a way of talking at people, not with them.

Remember it is a difficult thing to like anybody else’s idea of being funny.

Joke telling puts me on a different plane than the people I am with, even if momentary. Jokes have a tendency to be used when people are desperate for something to say. They stop conversation, not encourages it.

Before rattling a joke extempore need to remind myself why do I want to tell a joke?
a. I feel that I could say it better in this form than the conventional one.
b. There is an awkward pause and no one else seems prepared to fill it.
c. I am tired of so and so being the centre of attraction.
d. I feel its about turn to have the floor to myself.
e It fits in perfectly and with ease with what the last person said and spins the conversation into a new direction.

The only acceptable answer is (e)

More useful than a joke is a one liner that relates closely to what is being said as it doesn’t stop the conversation, but keeps it going in the same direction.

Let’s revisit some of them:

a. Does anyone else react poorly to coffee? I get head aches and my eyes hurt.
b. Maybe before drinking your coffee, you should take the spoon out of the cup.

a. We went to the ballet last evening and I’m still marveling at the way they
dance on their toes.
b. Why don’t they just get taller dancers?

a. Yes we are definitely getting married although I haven’t firmed the date yet.
b. What “you are bring your date on our wedding.

Remember wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearing than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

Get real, get ready – you and I need to either have an arm load of versatile one liner or be as quick witted as a badger to use this tactic. And when overused it assumes deadly proportions – more than even telling a bad joke. A conversation with you in it would have the hiccups.

Remember if I must tell a joke- cause I am good at it and that it fits seamlessly into the ongoing conversation – I will be most successful if I:

Key the joke to something just said, so that it follows from the conversation. It doesn’t matter how funny the joke is. If it has nothing to do with the topic under discussion, shut up.

Know your audience and match the joke to the group, the event or the surroundings.

Let me share a live case with you. During one of the training sessions facilitated by me, I was also training the trainer- one having over two decades of experience. A mixed audience of cross culture, genders was the offering. During one of his sessions he joked to a seemingly on the cosmopolitan lady that she would look ravishing in a bikini- cause he was confident that she would carry herself with grace. The lady brushed aside and laughingly accepted it as a compliment.

After some time he repeated the same lines to another lady who looked conventional and traditional. And hell broke loose. The lady accused him of molestation and threatened to put him behind bars.

For her it was an insult to her woman hood and no compromises were acceptable. Ponder one statement – harmless to one can be disaster for the other.

Refrain from telegraphing my expectations. Notice that I ever felt my smile grow forced when someone said

Have I got a joke for you?
I can top that
If you think that’s funny, listen to this.
Oh! That is so funny.
You’re going to die, listen to this

Advance advertising is not what’s meant by’ warming up the crowd’. Instead, it notifies people that I expect them to double up with laughter- which makes them tense, uneasy, skeptical, cautious, and watchful.

Result – they may howl at my punch line for formality sake and silently cursing for wasting their time on a poor joke. Instead they would have enjoyed better if I simply wouldn’t have let a little air out of the balloon first.

Remember the announcement that you are going to tell a good story and the chuckle that precedes it, is always a dangerous opening.

Next week we will dwell more on this aspect.

Your call folks now.

K S Ahluwalia

Executive Coach and Mentor- Excalibre Inc
Cell 91-98188 12102

What Constitues Bad Questions

2010-04-17T16:40:00.003+05:30

Ponder, is there anything that constitutes bad questions, are the questions bad or is it our response or reaction to that which makes it so. Over 46 years of my eventful life, I have tried diligently to uncover this mystery. What constitutes bad questions, and yet till date, I haven’t been able to put my finger in the pie.

Let me share some of my learning’s on this

· I am never obliged to answer a question. If someone poses a question that may sound aggressive, hostile, intimidating, intrusive, rude, I can explore several responses from being utterly silent, a blank life less stare, or excusing myself and effortlessly moving away.

· Perplexed am I, that in my space of coaching and mentoring, people think they have to answer questions, no matter how disagreeable or dangerous they are, just because they were asked so. Isn’t that amusing, we simply can’t keep our mouth shut up for most times.

· How about using the following when faced with an uncomfortable situation of pestering.

ü Do you mind telling me why you are asking so?

ü Do you need to know?

ü Excuse me, that’s personal with me and you would appreciate it so.

ü How much did we pay for this house? Enough and we are happy.

ü I don’t really want to start a conversation on this.

ü I am not sure about what your intent is.

ü I am sorry did you ask me if….

ü You would recall that this isn’t the information I shared with you.

ü I am amused at your query.

ü Could we converse something that is better.

ü My salary- it’s something I work for and get it, and don’t waste my time in discussing it.

ü This hairstyle, only a qualified beautician is qualified to answer this.

ü Isn’t this something personal, I trust you would agree?

ü Would you mind repeating the same?

During your conversation at any stage, cease to be emotional, rather than be logical, straight and poker faced. Be in control of the conversation and coin your responses well, and in closed ended sentences.

Let the other person feel, that you aren’t interested in carrying on this conversation and are explicit about it. Stop being a diplomat or a bull, simply use subtle humor or evading tactics to shift the space.

Yet there would be few, who would still be immune to the indicators being given, simply parrot the question and turn the table on them. Let them share their information because people who normally pester are in love with their own voices. Your skill is to make them talk and hear with both ears open and at an opportune moment excuse away.

Let’s revisit the earlier statements and observe the parroting technique.

ü Do you mind telling me why you are asking so?
You seem to be an information collector, let’s know your objective.

ü Excuse me, that’s personal with me and you would appreciate it so.
It’s brave that you share your personal things with all and sundry. Guts man.

ü How much did we pay for this house? Enough and we are happy.
You must have paid a fortune for your house, hence congrats.

ü I don’t really want to start a conversation on this.
Amazed at your ability to start conversation on anything, anytime, anywhere.

ü I am not sure about what your intent is.
Your intention of asking this is beyond me.

ü You would recall that this isn’t the information I shared with you.
You possess an awesome ability to repackage information and present it diffrently.

ü I am amused at your query.
Amazed on how you’re thinking capability.

ü Could we converse something that is better.
This topic is beyond me; admire you for your knowledge.

ü My salary- it’s something I work for and get it, and don’t waste my time in discussing it.
Certain that you are getting more than your expectations.

ü This hairstyle, only a qualified beautician is qualified to answer this.
Your hairstyle is a trend setter, and boy you look ravishing.

Simple isn’t it, straight isn’t in, unambiguous isn’t it, time conserver isn’t it. Walk away from these and suffer the consequences. Handle them well, and savor the benefits.

Thus stop deciding, instead choose and make it happen, now and forever.

Next week would share thoughts on what How and when to tell jokes.

Your call folks now.

K S Ahluwalia- Executive Coach and Mentor- Excalibre Inc

Cell 91-98188 12102

2009-11-18T13:32:00.003+05:30

Recapping and Revisiting

It’s been some time that we touched base and shared thoughts, for which I express sincere regret. Causes could be many, justified or not so justified, but we simply couldn’t, shouldn’t had done this. Sincerely believe that there are hundred thousand reasons justifying a failure, yet none is a good one.

More than 12 months have elapsed when we incepted this initiative cause we earnestly wanted it to be a breakthrough series- one that gives us the insight of managing those defining moments stemming out from conversations with important people, more so, in emotionally charged situations wherein decisions made, take us down on one of the several road, each leading to an entirely different destination.

Remember nothing fails like success meaning when a challenge in life is met by an appropriate response, one has success. But when the challenge moves to a higher level; the old, once successful response no longer works – it fails, thus nothing fails like success.

This charged, ever changing atmosphere makes it all the more imperative that we nourish our relationships and evolve tools, skills and enhanced capacity to find out new, better and more effective solutions to our challenges.

I think you all will discover, as I have, that ‘ Public speaking for astounding success’ series, reflect the insight of this excerpt of Robert Frost’s memorable poem.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
And, sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood,
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference

At Excalibre Inc we simply don’t make promises, we deliver them cause we are sure that in your evolution is our evolvement and in your success is our success and when you get transformed into a powerful being, one that makes things happen, we automatically do so.

During our last sharing in the past, we shared information about ‘What constitutes bad questions more so on what are the types of questions we must refrain from asking.

Now let’s move on to a topic which is critical, important and yet the most neglected. What constitutes Good questions?

Speech is power, speech is to persuade, to convert, and to compel.

Let’s now examine what constitutes Good Questions.

a. Relating to what other person has just said

Did they ever find out who was responsible?
Did you ever go back there?
Is she still hospitalized?
Would you recommend them?

b. Help you find common ground

Are you residing in this neighborhood?
Have you worked here for long?
How do you know our host?
What brings you here tonight?
When did you join?

c. Move the conversation along

Are you saying that any one can do it?
Can you give me an example?
How did you arrive at this conclusion?
What happened then?
What kind of side effects are there.

d. Lead to complex answers

What colleges is your son looking for?
Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?
Do you know anything about the new security regulations at the airport?

e. Are sensitive

Excuse me for asking, but I hope I am not being personal, but Please feel free not to answer.

f. Are neutral

Do you know if our water rates have gone up lately?
I saw you admiring the roses. Are you a gardener yourself?
Say, do you know what kind of a tree is this.

g. Are concrete

You think so and is that right aren’t really questions.

Concrete questions use the words that the other person has used and builds on them.

They tell the person that you are interested in their topic.

If you have been discussing constructing a rock wall, ask specific questions

Have you found a good book on rock walls?
How long do you expect it to take you?
What kind of rocks will you use?
Where are you buying your rocks from?

Remember if you are interested in what the other person is saying; these questions will come naturally and when you aren’t interested, yet simply want to continue the conversation, you need to work at finding good concrete questions.

Generally, concrete questions sound something like this

I agree with you about the benefits of walking, but do you think 20 minutes, 3 times a week is good enough.

I am not familiar with your company. Can you share more information on it?
I have always wanted to ask you how did you sell your first painting.
What do you think of hybrid cars?
What do you think will happen next?

Remember the void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel and misrepresentation.

Just because we are in the middle of a crucial conversation or may be thinking about stepping up to one, doesn’t mean that we are in trouble or that we won’t fare well.

In truth, when we face crucial conversation, we can do one of three things

We can avoid them.

We can face them and face them poorly
We can face the and handle them well.

That seems simple enough.

Walk away from crucial conversations and suffer the consequences.

Handle them poorly and suffer the consequences, or handle them all.

I don’t know, you think to yourself.

Given the three choices, I will go with handling them well.

Next week would share thoughts on what good questions are and how do we need to respond to bad questions?

Your call folks now.

K S Ahluwalia- Executive Coach and Mentor- Excalibre

Cell 91-98188 12102

Let's Understand What Constitutes Bad Questions

2009-06-27T23:33:00.003+05:30

Last month we shared information about ‘How to ask and answer questions’ more so on what are the types of questions and how we need to ask and answer them.

Now let’s move on to a topic which is critical, important and yet the most neglected. We all love to ask and answer questions, you know why?

Cause most of us are in love with our own voice and we want to hear it again and again, again and again, again and again and again and again.

Yet most times our conversations simply snaps or gets faded away, which happens when we ask something that isn’t supposed to be asked. Amusingly most of us get educated after we have created the storm and then blame ourselves by naming ourselves.

Then we sulk, brood, be aggressively defensive, closed and irritable. Yet still nothing happens, the misery gets compounded, more complex and then we give up, admit helplessly to ourselves that this wasn’t intentional, it simply was a slip of tongue, and then finally, we force ourselves to forget, and move on.

Ironically nothing moves on, we simply hit the road block once again and this time with increasing intensity. And when it happens, we again restart our story once over again. And over time we start believing in this story, and make it a reality, a fact, which doesn’t need any change. Hence it becomes our personality.

And that’s me folks. Ponder. Reflect. Examine.

So is there a way out.

Yes there is and a simple one too. It simply requires one to be present to the fact and then practice, patiently, persistently, consistently.

But, alas, we simply don’t have the time; we already are at the fag edge of our energy. I need to accomplish so much in so less time. And I am always sprinting, no time to take a momentary poise.

So how can I practice, consistently and patiently.

Reflect- had this acceleration given us what we wanted – or there is a chasm still. How many times we had to redo the thing many times over again and again. How many of our relationships have got irreparably strained, evaporated and dissipated totally.

Wasn’t it better that we could rehash our existing check chart, such that we are sensitive, present, aware on what to say, how to say, when to say, where to say and what not to say.

And an important milestone in this is ‘what constitutes bad questions’

Let’s examine these

Are you going to eat the whole thing?

Are you one of those environmentalists?

Didn’t you realize it was your mistake?

Didn’t you see the warning sign

Did you ever consider dying your hair?

Do you always talk this fast.

Have you understood what I said?

How can you say such a thing?

Is that all you had to say.

What did you do that for?

Why don’t you have children?

What did you pay for this dress?

How much raise you got last year.

Me, you, he, she ask these questions at the drop of our hat and amusingly expect the other person to reply with honesty, politeness and be appropriate with us.

Let’s examine now three cases of what constitutes bad questions?

a. Are numerous

We deliver these questions one after the other, while making the other feel attacked from all ends. Often this rapid fire and unrelenting questions is more of a nervous tic, as if the other person is asking, because they don’t know what else to do and, as if the answer doesn’t really matter.

A self taught conversationalist, his style with new acquaintances had the immediate warmth of an investigative journalist tracking down discrepancies in a municipal budget, is a situation we are, most often than not.

Remember just as you shouldn’t be a monolinguist; neither you should be an interrogator. There will not be a quiz after the evening is over.

b. Are too broad

These types of questions are welcome seldom, rarely and not frequently. But where’ conversation life’ is the norm, there is rarely time to get into a meaty topic.

So. What do you think about poverty?

The big bang theory – do you believe in it.

What do you know about global warming?

What’s wrong with kids today?

c. Beginning questions with why

These questions, although often can be quite good, can, at other times, be accusatory, aggressive or overtly personal.

Why questions put people on the defensive. They feel obliged to explain their reasoning, motives and actions.

If you ask ‘what happened,’ instead of why, the other person can better relate to the facts in an objective manner.

Let’s examine the following.

Why are you going to a place like that?

Why can’t you make your own judgment?

Why didn’t you do that?

Why did you do that?

Why did you think it would run?

Why do you always do that?

Reflect and be sensitive, introspect when you are confronted with such questions, what’s your first reaction cause that’s what guides your answer.

She had the habit into which your poor conversationalists usually fall, namely asking questions. I know nothing more disagreeable than to be subjected to the society of a questioner.

I am stopping here cause I earnestly want us all to reflect, examine as to what type of questions we ask and how many of those fall in the category of asking bad questions.

Personally while I was penning these thoughts, my life simply showed up all over again to me and I realized that I would have been much more productive had I not asked those bad questions.

Yet still, there is always a time, an opportunity where one can make amends, redraw the check chart and rewrite the script more meaningful once again.

And for me personally today was the time. It was now or never for me.

Next week would share thoughts on what good questions are and how do we need to respond to bad questions?

Your call folks now.

K S Ahluwalia

Executive Coach and Mentor- Excalibre

Leadership at Cross Roads in the Down Turn

2009-05-14T20:59:00.002+05:30

Present scenario

Today’s challenging business climate increasingly calls for multifaceted leaders who possess a holistic view of the organization and understand how key decisions affect each business function.

But making the transition from accomplished functional specialist to effective manager, takes more than strong management skills and framework – it requires a fundamental shift how I think and act.

Without careful preparation, this transition can take years to complete and entail unnecessary risk. For many corporations, smoothing and accelerating these transitions is particularly important as they try to sustain their businesses during financial downturn.

This then is the challenge for us all, that we need to confront, effectively and with ease. Now let’s recap on what most of us are doing, in corporate space.

Guided by the belief that good is opposite of bad, we have over extended time lines, pursued our fixation with fault finding and failing. We observe the opposite and then make deductions; dive deep across, to identify, analyze and correct our weaknesses in order to be strong. In a nutshell we suffer from a ‘deficit mentality’

Surely it’s a well intended advice but is misguided as faults and failings deserve study, but they reveal little about our strengths. Why. Cause strengths have their own patterns.

Remember great organizations not only accommodate the fact that each employee is different, it capitalizes on their differences by being present to their unique patterns.

Reflect if my strengths are being utilized every day, how powerful and robust would I feel – resulting in increasing my productivity on an increasing scale.

To help me achieve, you need to know me, understand me, be present to me and not view me as a cost resource, where only output is the scared cow, the only driver. The only obsession

Ponder, when I get up in the morning, immediately a devastating news confronts me – environ is going from bad to worse, 100,000 laid off in the last week , economy is in turmoil, would go worse, no respite .

Fearfully I arrive at the work place, cautious, and then a meeting is called, in which same scenario is talked about, open threatening to increase productivity is given, some given pink slips. Imagine am I in a thinking or creative or I simply is trembling with thoughts of survival.

Down turn is real, its there, so what’s the deal, there is a challenge, and you and I need to work so as to leap frog over it, hence need to explore possibilities, create break through in break downs, and will this overcome by telling people that you are simply a cost factor now.
Reflect what we are doing

Ponder, the fault finding its fixation is my basic driver here, I am not exploring a common synergy where I and my team look at new avenues of wealth creation, however small and minuscule they may be, but I am putting all my energies by discussing the obvious.

Is that going to get us a breakthrough? Think. Let’s examine some facts

Globally 20% of employees feel that their strengths are in play daily, and the most bizarre of all, the longer an employee stays out with the corporation and the higher he climbs the career ladder, the less likely is he playing to his strengths.

Alarming though it’s to learn that most of us operate on 20% capacity, this revelation actually represents a tremendous opportunity for organizations and professionals to transit from good to great.

To spur high margin growth and thereby increase their value, great organizations need only to focus inward to find their wealth of unrealized capacity that resides in every single employee.

Imagine from the present 20% we now start operating at 40 %( twice already; 100 % growth) of our strengths, the leap we would undertake would be incredible, phenomenal, mind boggling. Yet 80% of professionals feel that they are miscast in their role.

What can explain the widespread inability to position people, particularly apex management who have had the chance to search around for interesting roles – to play to their strengths? Functional expertise has overtaken excellence generalized creative skills management.

Why is this so?

Simply we are all fixated in our very own and personalized belief systems

Belief system in most of us is built on two flawed assumptions:

Each person can learn to be competent in everything and anything – named it as multi-skilling/ multi tasking.

Each person greatest room for growth is his areas of weaknesses/ gaps.

Presented so badly these two assumptions seem to simplistic to be commonly held, hence lets play them out and observe where they lead.

Reflect on these characteristics ; My organization spends most of its training time and money in plugging gaps in employee’s skills or competencies, naming them as areas of opportunities. My individual evolution plan, if I have one, is built around my areas of opportunities and weaknesses.

And yet in this current melt down, fact is that all trainings, developmental activities are banned, stopped dead – they are taboo. As an employee I am pressurized to complete the number game.

Reflect there is a chaos and I am told to resolve the chaos, without any additional creative updation – it’s like winning the war with traditional weapons, excuse being we simply can’t afford them, since we don’t have money.

Let’s reflect on this fallacy of the thought itself. In a downturn, I need to hone my skills up for optimizing productivity, getting more from less, and for that I need to get equipped with techniques to make that happen – in nutshell need to be educated once again, while the action suggested is stay put, be there, motionless and now win the lap, with greater acceleration.

While I think I have read that when you are going through a productivity delusion, its time to get back to basics, rehash the knowledge pool and get retrained and reworked upon.

And yet the story plastered in stone In my corporation is - that we are people centric wherein we invest time, effort, energy and cost on up scaling our talent pool – as they are our only assets - our critical differentiators our winning edge, our core competence, or value propositions.

Yet most organizations take their employees strengths for granted and focus on minimizing their weaknesses, thus become experts in those areas where their employees struggle, delicately renaming these as Skill gaps’ or areas of opportunities, and the pack them off to training classes so that these weaknesses can be plugged. This exercise is glorified named as Training Needs Analysis, where in data collection is done purpose being statistical fulfillment and media bytes.

Reflect – has anybody interacted on human scale with me – where I was asked to share my flight, areas that inspire me, expand me, my dreams, my aspirations, my travails, my trials.

The answer is no – cause it require time investment, openness, being patient, being humble, open and accepting one as he is, being non judgmental. And isn’t that what we all in company, society or family should be doing. We need to strengthen our strengths and weaken our weaknesses or simply hone up my strengths, because they in turn would effectively tackle our weaknesses

Thus trainings in most cases aren’t development, it simply is damage control and by itself damage control is a poor strategy for elevating either the employee or the organization to world class performance

When the going is tough, we need to rationalize, optimize our outflows, explore possibilities of assisting our talent pool to rethink, retrain, rehash and recreate the market and for that I need to be equipped more with techniques that can help me to first be centered, not reactive, tense, defensive and then explore options by creating a new market or value space.

Think are we doing that today: in most corporations there is a freeze on expenses, so spend less, be a lean and mean organization and not a lean and agile one, both in thinking and actions.

End result would be simply surviving and waiting for things to happen. And we have plastered our walls with expansive words like ‘Creative organization, People First”

My organization promotes people based on their skills or experiences they have acquired. After all, if everyone can learn to be competent in almost anything, these who have learned the most must be the most valuable. Thus, by design, the corporation gives the most prestige, the most respect, and the highest salaries to the most experienced well rounded people.

Reflect on what is being observed and what should I and you do? Let’s recap the intended steps that we need to put in place, now.

Are we aware what we are doing or are we doing what we aren’t supposed to do, yet I am doing cause I don’t want to challenge the exisisting paradigms

Do I have a strategy in place, to hand hold people, assist them to think, assist them in creating breakthroughs in their breakdowns – create a new market, reposition, to change the existing mind set of the customer, by offering solutions to satisfy his unarticulated and undefined needs.

Am I open to be challenged by my talent pool, be present that they are the best we have, and the only ones, who can bail us all out. Do I provide space, encouragement, not merely its exhibition but making it happen/real.

Or am I increasing the stress levels in already stressed personnel. Am I a coach and mentor whose single agenda is to optimize productivity by inculcating cost rationalizations and revenue gains, all across and I am doing that so, with intent and integrity or simply washy washing it?

Ideas not individuals or hierarchies are important – thus do I encourage people, in this defensive environ, to rethink their existing thinking patterns, debate furiously crazy ideas, establish consensus and then translate into business propositions. Do I possess patience to accept non success and keep egging talent to go on and on or am I simply playing cautiously.

Its perfectly acceptable that flab needs to be shredded, but flab – identified objectively, not protecting people of my circle, my favorites and even if the parting is to happen, can I assist him to get employment elsewhere– important that he gets his daily bread.

Once you travel an extra mile for your resource, he will be a loyal fan of yours through out and would be your brand ambassador and at the first opportunity be willing to add value to the corporation.

How many times, have I thought beyond myself – Do I coach the parting talent, have discussed all options, explored all possibilities and have reached at a dead end – is parting the first or last resort. Have I thought through this or simply I am doing a knee jerk reaction – creating opportunities for phasing those whom I desist, or who likely can be a challenge for me.

I am reminded of a case of forced parting of a senior executive, as the CEO had a soft corner for his favorite HR head, person actually responsible for employee engagement was in reality threatening, fuming, fretting and demeaning his staff, and yet he stayed while the victim was phased out.

Remember life isn’t either or better is both.

Reflect – what values is the CEO exhibiting. Am I also doing the same thing, ponder.

Hence as leaders for multi-business companies, managing corporate portfolio entails countless challenges, both a corporate and business unit levels. Not only must leaders understand how each business unit fits into the over all strategy, but they must also identify, evolve and leverage new cross unit opportunities to drive corporate performance.

I sincerely need to reflect what steps have I initiated to make my place a better place to be in, while up skilling and upgrading my talent pool, to face even hard decisions with smile and genuinity.

Ponder. Examine. Reflect

K S Ahluwalia
Executive Coach and Mentor- Excalibre
D 138 sector 36. Noida 201303. Cell 9350 881748

How to ask and answer questions

2009-05-14T20:23:00.005+05:30

We now have gotten a fair idea of how to keep a conversation going or stop one, yet most of us hit a roadblock when in communication- cause we get tongue tied and experience a loss of ides of which questions to ask, such that the conversation evolves to a meaningful communication.

The art of asking the right questions, at the right time, at the right place and at the right pace is seldom right for most of us. We pop questions like a pop corn and make a fool of our self in the conversation.

What to ask, where to ask, when to ask, what not to ask is thrown at the winds, cause we simply want to ask – why, even we dont know. Ask a reason and most of us would reply – just for information or time pass. And once we do so, we are then are a passé.

Every day we all ask ourselves questions – from what should I wear to what I should do with my life or wife. Remember the kind of questions we ask ourselves effect profoundly our self-esteem, relationships, and career.

In fact one changes his questions to change his life. Important is to be aware of the skill, competency and art of asking and answering the right questions.

When you know how to ask the right questions, you can talk to anyone about anything, anywhere. Basic staple of conversation is questions, which allows us to find out about other people, to keep the conversation going, and to show your interest in what others are sharing. They can also buy time, clarify what you don’t understand, and demonstrate your openness and curiosity.

Where a statement might provoke resistance ‘I didn’t like the idea, a question – lets have your views on this, can stimulate thought, prolong a discussion, and convey an appreciation of the others input/information.

Adding humor to a question signifies that you aren’t being aggressive and that if the person wants to evade the question, they too can use this technique, wisely and deftly.

Yet the impulse to ask questions is among the most primitive human lusts.

Questions normally are of two types

Open ended – that elicit a complex answer.

Close ended – that elicit one word answer – yes or no.

Open ended questions normally start with who, when, what, whey, where and how

Close ended questions generally start with do you, did you, are you, have you?

Close ended questions extracts a small piece of information but tends to bring the conversation to stop.

Some of us can take a close ended question and elaborate on it for quite a long time. Others those who are literal minded will give a one word answer.

Period. The end. Now what?

One can use close ended questions to speed up a conversation in which information is being sought only or to indicate subtly one’s lack of interest in the on going conversation, or even as a way of signaling good bye ‘ Are you leaving soon’.

Let’s examine some examples of open and close ended questions that you and I can use during our conversation.

Do you like you new office(Y/N)
How did you manage to get a better office?

Are you moving to Mumbai(Y/N)
How do you feel about it?

Did you enjoy London(Y/N)
What did you like most in London?

Is your wife treating you well(Y/N)
How is your life after marriage?

Do you live in this area(Y/N)
What brought you in this area?

If its time for you to ask a question, but you dint have one, think of the other persons’ last topic and ask who( won the event last year), what( did his boss think about him) when( is your team playing next), where( could I possibly find one of those) or how( did you find out).

Remember the impulse to answer a question – any question – is as automatic as the ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ response. Everyone including that rare individual, who refuses to answer, pays more attention to a question, than to a statement.

To avoid the appearance of intertwining someone, you can replace questions with statements that do the same job’ tell me how you got into this business or explain how did you that or Please take me through your typical day or describe it for me please’

When misused or overused, questions can be extremely annoying, hence asking too many questions makes other feel positively hunted and is often the fall back of a poor conversationalist.

Get clear questions substitute for thought, for self revelation, for genuine exchanges, hence in any conversation balance questions with statements. All questions or all statements seldom produce a good back and forth exchange.

Desist from answering yourself your own questions with statements- happens mostly amongst married people. Don’t rush to answer your own question

Wife addressing her husband ' when I need your opinion, I will give it to you.

And don’t ask a question if you don’t really want an honest answer: what should I do about it or what did you think about my suggestion at the meeting or would you keep my dog for a couple of days while I am out of town’

Next we would share thoughts on what bad questions are and how do we need to be sensitive towards them.

Your call folks now

How to Keep a Conversation Going or to Stop One

2009-04-13T00:48:00.004+05:30

Our Journey so far.

Let’s revisit milestones that we have covered in the last 12 months, for our pursuit of refining our techniques, skills in the art of public speaking for an astounding success.

1 : Public speaking for astounding success. Expanse and intent.

2: How to start any conversation from inception to finality.

3: Check out your body language

4. Basic conversation principles.

5. Touching, mingling and ending a conversation.

6. Saying goodbye, conveying appreciation and techniques to be universally liked.

7. Appreciation – Effective and ineffective.

8. Accepting appreciation.

9. Listening Successfully

10. What makes a poor listener?

Lets move on to another important arena – How to keep a conversation going or stopping one.

Humans abhor a vacuum. The immediate filing of a vacuum is one of the basic functions of speech. Meaningless conversations are no less important in our lives than meaningful ones.

I now am present that in most conversations, I need a few’ empty’ words and phrases that

Indicate to other person I am listening attentively or

Encourage the other person to keep talking.

Fill in that little expectant pause some people leave for me.

Sometimes being silent is more appropriate and apt, but it’s helpful to have a handful of conversational fillers, in my armamentarium. People generally don’t pay too much attention to these soothing little rejoinders, so, it’s not what you say as much as that you respond with something.

Without stopping the flow of conversation with more substantive remarks, these interjections let the other person know that I am interested and involved.

Don’t worry about the essential inanity of these words and phrases. Like a film score, my words provide a back ground for the other person’s talk without calling attention to themselves.

These responses are a fairly standard part of contemporary culture, and they fill a need to give a fairly standard part of contemporary culture, and they fill a need to give conversations that appeared of being two-sided. The problem arises when I use the same word or phrase for everything – ‘awesome, wow’ at which point the expression becomes an annoying verbal tic.

So what should be my next step is a million dollar question.

First and foremost, I need to vary my responses and use a lowered tone so as not to call attention to the rejoinders. I may probably already use some of such phrases, but now I might like to update my data base. But there is a caution – I needn’t simply copy and paste, which most of us, at most times and most places, do deftly.

Hence I need to choose only those which suit my personality and that I can say with sincerity and conviction.

To show something I am listening, I may say something like this:

Absolutely.

Aha

All right

Got it.

Amazing.

Incredible

And then?

Are u serious?

Awesome

For instance

Good lord.

Good grief

Hard to believe

I am listening

How interesting

I agree

Oh dear,

Really.

Seriously

Sure, that makes more sense

Well, who knew?

What an accomplishment

You couldn’t be more right

You are kidding

Remember listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.

And to encourage the other person to continue, I can say something like this:

And

And then what

Could you give me an example?

For instance

How very interesting

I’d like to learn more about that

I hadn’t thought of it that way.

What a shock

You are saying that…..

Remember good listeners are perceived as good conversationalists

To fill in a pause that some people leave for my ‘half’ of the conversation, I can say something like this

Amazing

Fascinating

Good grief

Good point

I didn’t know that

I hear you.

I see where you are going with this

Really

Right. Right.

This must have been wild.

Remember silences have a climax, when you have got to speak

Let’s get some more clarity.

I don’t want to use the above words and phrases, with someone who is delivering a monologue in my presence; cause it will encourage him to continue on and on. Instead, I need to fill that space – if one is lucky enough to get one, with a subtle, polite signal that I ain't all that fascinated with his blabbering.

Sometimes people climb on hobby horses and forget to dismount. You and I need to help them on priority basis.

Let me share my modus operandi of resolving this crisis

If you want to treat the other person in the direction of winding down the conversation or at least allowing you to talk, you may explore some of these:

Being quiet

Hmm in a monotone

I just remembered something that will interest you

I have always wanted to ask you.

Really(flatly)

Say, I read an article the other day about that

You must be glad that it all over.

Remember the time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively, yet says nothing. This is an excellent strategy for you, in case like this. After a few nods accompanied by silence, the other person would take your hint.

Remember be tactful however. The other person is there as a friend, colleague or duly invited guest, so you wont want to be noticeably rude.

A man may forgive many wrongs, but he cannot easily forgive anyone who makes it plain that his conversation was tedious.

In the event that the other person is riding a stampeding horse and cannot be halted, you will have to use a more aggressive approach.

Oops, I need to take this call.

I must monopolize your attention. Enjoy the rest of the evening

It was grand talking to you

The food looks terrific – I think I will get a plate when it’s still warm

Remember, ensure that you have finished speaking before your audience has finished reading.

And that’s what I am doing now

Your call folks now.

Excalibre - Its expanse and Value Proposition

2009-02-09T01:01:00.003+05:30

Excalibre, a consulting initiative, is dedicated to creating unprecedented business results. We partner with our clients to design and implement organizational initiatives that produce significant, sustainable change, in a short span of time.

Excalibre - a leader in evolution space offers programs that are innovative, relevant and immediately effective. These programs challenge conventional perspectives and decision making patterns and provide new tools for effecting significant change – shifting the very nature of what is possible.

Result: Participants can explore new possibilities for effective action, achieve higher standard of excellence and act beyond existing limits.

Excalibre offers programs, workshops and seminars designed to address areas of specific interest, such as personal productivity, leadership, influencing people, strategic thinking, communications, coaching and mentoring etc

The work of Excalibre is the product of extensive research and development in individual and organizational effectiveness and communications.

Excalibre – Its Vitals and facilitations.

Founded in 2002, Excalibre offers 30+ programs in 23 cities pan India. Over 45,000 people have participated in the programs already.

Key facilitation areas, include:

Strategic Management for redefining the business space.

Fostering Inspirational Leadership – the new competitive advantage.

Behavioral Sciences – Imbibing skills to be an engaged resource, all across

Break through series in -Skill enhancements for effecting quantum productivity leap, across.

Personal Growth – back to basics.

Entrepreneurship – Inculcate freedom and not addiction to the monthly cheque.

Assisting people to re-discover their inherent strengths.

Coaching and mentoring – the new face of human evolution.

Business restructuring for a quantum leap.

These interfaces assist people to enhance their deliverables, by inculcating techniques to choose freedom-based goals while aligning their Natural Talents to Profession.

5.6 million Man-hours of consulting facilitated at 11 management levels across 10 industries, pan India.

Excalibre is privileged to be a preferred resource with 30 apex corporations, Navratnas, SME’s and State Governments.

In addition to the above, Excalibre is an interested learning partner to:

Institute of Directors in facilitating their Corporate Governance initiatives.

Mentors to apex Institutions like Indian Institute of Technology, NIBBSCOM, Union Public Service Commission, Wigan & Leigh (UK Ltd), Amity Business School and Jammu and Kashmir Entrepreneurial Development Institute.

Associated with management bodies and apex associations as, National HRD Network, All India Management Association, Delhi, Noida, Faridabad Management Associations, Toast Masters Club, and Fora 2020.

At Excalibre, our aim is to provide implementable and adaptable solutions, across spectrum, for corporations’ that intend to make a difference. We partner with our clients to design and implement organizational initiatives that produce significant, sustainable change, in a short span of time.

Excalibre - Unique Value Proposition for You.

Unlike traditional training programs, Excalibre employs a unique technology in which people examine assumptions, perspectives and practices that are embedded in their culture- ways of thinking that may have limited productivity, performance, or the ability to see opportunities in the midst of difficulty or confusion.

By engaging them in this approach, executives have reported an ability to see possibilities that weren’t apparent before, and to get into action unconstrained by their experience or evidence of the past

What makes a Poor Listener.

2009-02-08T22:58:00.003+05:30

In the preceding capsule, we did share ways, techniques and skills required on what makes a good listener’, this capsule we would be focusing on what makes a poor listener.

Isn’t it boring, how people always want to tell you their own stories instead of listening to yours? I suppose that’s why psychiatrists are better than friends; the paid listener doesn’t interrupt with his own experiences.

What Makes a Poor Listener?

Your attention wanders to a problem at home or work and you lose the thread of what the other person is saying, while you are busy thinking of what you are going to say next, waiting for your turn to speak, consequently you rarely look the other person in the eye.

You can’t seem to help showing that you are bored; you look at your watch, shuffle your feet, and check out the rest room.

At the first opportunity, you grab the conversational ball and run with it, even if it means interrupting the other person. You’d much rather talk than listen.

You constantly finish the other person’s sentences. This is insulting, patronizing, and irritating.

You really aren’t interested in the other person’s topic, so you change the subject.

You ask too many questions that the other person feels harried, grilled, and breathless. Many of your questions are about hair splitting details that really don’t matter.

You are busy judging the other person; she just said’ between us, his pants sure are wrinkled; she got an awfully high voice; he doesn’t seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer. This negative attitude is often picked up by the other person. They are not sure what’s going on, but they think perhaps they won’t spend much time with you.

You like to one –up the other person. If they have read a good book, you have read two. If they have attended a professional football game, you have got season tickets.

If you are in office setting you tend to multitask while conversing with someone. This way you get two things done at once, you think as you file reports, stack up the outgoing mail and log off the computer.

You rush the other person, giving the impression that they are talking far too much of your time. “yeah, you have already mentioned that so what did you have to pay finally’

You are completely silent, you figure listening means shutting up, whereas the other person would appreciate hearing a word or two from you.

Remember almost any business situation will be handled differently, and with different results, by some one who is listening and someone who isn’t.

You decide your pick. Your call folks now

Rediscover yourself through discovering others

2009-01-18T15:16:00.003+05:30

Over forty five years on this planet , I must have breathed many million times, thought more than trillion times, got frustrated billion times – a thought that entered my system, in the recent past suddenly made me present to my existence – to what is happening all around, the challenges, travails, frustrations and opportunities.

Each day was happening at the slated speed – day break, day end – same transactions held the roost for most of me, while occasionally I indulged in convenient creativity?

Is that what I wanted to be, was the nagging question – yes nagging, cause more I wanted to shoo it away, more resoundingly it was coming back with increasing intensity.

Like a rationality obsessed individual I started analyzing the events, their patterns, results and remedial measures. Seemingly solutions arrived, yet the void increased increasingly.

When one arrives at a solution, a sense of pride and achievement takes over, one starts basking in that space, feeling it to be the finality. But It isn’t and that’s the fact – stark.

For years – till my memory supports me, I did this – analyzing, crystallizing, and then seeking solutions of all that which confronted me, disappointed, frustrated, moved me. And each time, conclusion was that the cause was beyond me and not me.

Hence the thought that there is everything wrong there, started cementing in me – in forms of opinions, perceptions, experiences and that appeared to be the ultimate truth. On anything and everything an opinion and judgment was made and in most cases a self created remedy was also given became an unstated habit.

And it worked – sometimes more, sometimes less, but it worked and since it worked, it implied that this was the correct path – the better one or the only one. Result – more fossilization on the results, its processes.

Thus for any situation, follow the route, analyze with the steps firmed up, evaluate options and findings, then pronouncing verdict became the name of the game. Seamless, easy and process centric – made a lot of sense.

And if anyone wanted to change it, resistance overflowed naturally.

Yet one day, a thought flashed – if this approach was apt, then have I evolved, devolved, stagnated. Verdicts and preaching’s to others, have they impacted me, improved me, made me better, opened up new arenas of thinking for me, refined my executional ability, improved my inter personal effectiveness.

The moment I started to think on these lines, answer was immediate, that I was a successful corporate professional, who against odds made thing happen, was a winner in trying circumstances in life and that’s the reason people look up to me and in most cases I am their man Friday.

So let it be. Judgment pronounced – I have evolved and is a great contributing being.

Yet the question nagged me – through, thorough and all my conceived answers, got shredded, and the sought answer wasn’t there. I got back justifications, rationality, logic, but not the one – cause after each answer, the void reappeared.

Interestingly present environ gears together to pump you up, on even insignificant achievements- its like breaking news, some news on topics that may not matter much in life, but you are nonetheless in circulation. And that’s what keeps many of us going, mistaking this fallacy to the truth.

I reflected on myself, do I get frustrated on things more, am I opinionated more, do I pass judgments off the cuff, do I listen more, have I stopped accusing others less. And the answer was no, you haven’t, its actually the reverse- you have increased intensity in all of them, but have become street smart to camouflage it by using wisdom laced words in language which is beyond the comprehension of most – such that people feel that I am talking great philosophy.

Yet internally I was aware, convinced that this is a big farce.

Internalizing more I was able to bring one critical distinction out that in all my actions, reactions, I held others responsible, and that I had to change them, such that the environs change. Hence I need to work on others, and with increasing intensity. Thus focus was beyond me.

And there was this revelation – focus wasn’t beyond me, challenge wasn’t beyond me, issue wasn’t beyond me, nothing was beyond me – reality – it was me, me only.

My opinions, judgments, rationalizations, preaching’s wasn’t on others, it was my own reflection of me. It was me, hence I needed to be the focus and through me, the others would be the focus.

And I started reflecting on issues which I myself clearly and craftily manipulated to ignore them, such that I escape responsibility.

Identified many such issues, but here I am taking up one – human evolution in thinking and execution space – where I can make a significant contribution by changing myself through others or going back to the basics or roots.

Then how does one transform – by preaching, or by making it happen was the critical challenge. It’s easy to say that this should be like this, but how to effect the change was a million dollar question.

Being for over 18 years in a competitive corporate environ, I did have a fair idea about what were my experiences, learning’s, heart burns, accolades and frustrations, where most go wrong etc.

Once I was able to identify that theses still are my improvement areas, I was certain that the same subset existed for most others too, Can I chalk a way out to improve myself from others, and eventually we all win. Can I improve through you – where you are at the centre and I am at the periphery?

Difficult it is because we are used to be at the centre, the power, the focus and all others at the periphery.

Yet we resolved – it is possible and now what should we do. How can others be the change agents for our life?

Incepted Excalibre- an initiative for evolving myself as a human, basic, no strings attached. A child like not childish, an inquisitive not judgmental one but an integrated one.

The action plan was simply to reach out, initiate discussions, talk, explore and find meaning to my actions – cause when I find my interpretation, I own it, I become responsible and then I would drive it and when I do so, my productivity across will take a quantum leap.

The next brick was – How do we do and who and why will people join us, express interest in us, invest their energies and resources on us. What is in for them?

Seemingly easy questions, answers were challenging. Here we took a break – we became unreasonable – cause when one starts something he evaluates the potential pitfalls, the critical strengths and puts in place a meaningful process. We did nothing. We simply CHOOSE to kick start.

Driver being, if I have got my answers, others would have get so. Thus I am not talking or discussing with others, I am exploring my own self, and if I can be touched, moved and inspired, others would. So I need to keep exploring, searching and be patient.

2002, started an initiative -Excalibre, by facilitating seminars/ workshops on Self- discovery, ethos being discover your inherent potential, by working on your strengths.

First interface – three participants, trinity arrived, and then rolling stared.

Each interface was addressing our own needs, if I was in this, how would I respond, what could be my weaklings, what are my strengths – apparent or hidden, where are the areas where I can leap frog, and they became our constant companions. Participants were me; it was my manifestation in them and vice versa.

This caught on, because the distinction evaporated, we are not guides, we are you and when we are you, then we work for and not against each other. We work on and not in the problem. Seminars and workshops became discussion boards where one freely shared his core feelings, they then became group feelings, ratified, owned by each one,

Result was acceptance and implementation, because the group became unreasonable – they leap forged over their limiting reasons and from reasonable they transformed as unreasonable beings - willing and excited to challenge the exisisting norms.

Openness, keenness and listening, where shared thinking for evolution is imbibed, where in you and I cease to exists, where effecting change is focus, where the distinction between the one who knows and one who doesn’t dissipates, was my core – since the I in me wanted. Hence its oneness personified.

Interfaces helped me, to dissolve my fossilizations, explore areas where I could make an meaningful impact, shut up and listen – intently, appreciate and not deprecate, respond not react, be child like available and open to experiences and not childish – closed, inward coiled and be in here and now.

Result: in last six years, Excalibre has been touched by over 45,000 thinking beings then, now feeling beings, who have resolved to make a difference to themselves, across 30 apex enterprises, at 23 locations through 30 programs. It’s not Excalibre that made it a happen, its individuals who made it – Excalibre was simply there and then, a chance, where it arrived at the time when it was needed.

Excalibre is one of the many movements that you can endeavor, need today is to be available to the experiences, enjoy its expanse, be open to drop the knowledge and experience obesity, and get things moving – by changing the context, learning from and by others, and to be here and now.

For me, you are Excalibre- one who wants to be the change, by observing, appreciating and accepting others, the way they are and then giving simple, actionable steps that can make my life better than today.

Isn’t that the change I would want to be? You call Folks now

Public Speaking for Astounding Success. IX

2009-01-12T19:34:00.003+05:30

Listening Successfully

Research has consistently demonstrated that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships and careers.

Most of us take for granted the simple verb’ Listen’, yet how many of us are aware of its dictionary meaning.

American Heritage Dictionary says to listen means’ to make an effort to hear something and to pay attention; heed’

Webster Dictionary describes listening as ‘to give ear’

If you want to be a good conversationalist, remember that listening is more than simply letting other person talk. You and I need to pay attention, to make an effort, to heed.

Listening is an active, not a passive skill. There isn’t anything that one sits back relaxes and listens. Its hearing, understanding and remembering, in that sequence.

Effective listener takes part in conversation by offering ideas and questions to keep the talk flowing. You want to say enough to add something new, but not so much that you overshadow the other. Meaningful conversation is a balancing act – a teeter – totter, a turn taking endeavor.

Remember it isn’t enough to remain silent while others are talking; that is not listening in any true sense. One must be manifestly attentive to the speaker, asking an occasional question, commenting on what has been said. A good listener brings out the best in people – by being responsive. His eyes light up occasionally with interest and pleasure. Not for an instant does he permit his attention to wander.

Conversation isn’t tennis, in which you return the other fellow’s service, but golf, in which you go on hitting your own ball. Yet you don’t play conversational golf yourself, you don’t want to leave the other person hitting their own ball, all the time. What is your take? Reflect. Ponder and Examine.

Listening means playing tennis, where you return the ball, and like a absorbing game of tennis, you want to see that you are well matched, that you are both playing with the same ball, and that you alternate turns hitting it.

Reflect over your past conversations, you perhaps would recall that a great deal of time could have been saved had everyone listened the first time. How many times the same questions were answered or information repeated or incidents retold. Not listening dissipates our energy, wastes our time, dilutes our effort, end result, I being dejected, confused and energy sucked.

What Makes a Good Listener?

a. You focus on the other person, not allowing yourself to be distracted by what is going on around you and by your own thoughts and concerns.

b. You not only listen, but you show you are listening by appearing intensely interested, leaning slightly forward, nodding occasionally, and saying uh-huh at intervals.

Remember if you want to be interesting, find someone who is interested. Explore aspects of other person’s talk that genuinely interests you.

c. You make and maintain an eye contact, occasionally breaking it, so that the other person doesn’t feel as though they are being viewed through a microscope.

d. You subtly mirror the other person, smile, frown, and nod and laugh when they do so.

e. You ask questions that show you are following the other person’s train of thought.

To listen effectively, you need to not only hear what the other person is saying, but also to understand it, meaning you ask clarifying questions and not questions for listening to your own voice.

To be called a conversation, there needs to be some back and forthing. Hence you would want to insert some of your own thoughts, opinions on the slated subject.

Yet it’s easier said than done.

Most of us waffle in this space, we simply get tongue tied, spontaneity ceases and intelligence evaporates. Tongue thus works independent to the thought process, and we squeak out what is avoidable, thereby feeling small, low and cross with oneself only in the end.

Ponder in this scenario, the information we have is ham, the meat simply has gone away, and the whole conversation - a farce.

Let’s examine some sentences which you and I can insert during the conversation

Along the same lines, do you?

Am I hearing this right? You think?

And do you know what are your competitors are up to?

Can you illustrate this with an example?

Can you go back a minute to this business about the ferret?

From your perspective, you are saying it’s a bust.

How did you get from there to here?

How were you able to manage with one arm in cast?

If I can understand you correctly, you believe?

Remember exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.

f. You repeat or summarize the other person’s key points, not in a parrot like manner, but rewording them somewhat.

g. You leave a little pause after the other person’s words in case they have something to add. Too many listeners’ take the first chance to rush into speech themselves.

h. You refer back to things said earlier in the conversation to show that you heard what was said.

i. You are patient. If the other person searches for a word or speaks haltingly or pauses, you allow them to complete his thoughts.

j. You try to identify with the speaker, putting yourself in their place, feeling what they are feeling. If nothing else, mentally relate the other person’s experiences to your own.

k. Above all, need to cultivate an attitude of wanting to listen. The better you become at listening, the more clearly you will appreciate its benefits and you will end up wanting to listen. But in the beginning, act as if you want to listen. Your attentiveness will show.

I happen to disagree with the well entrenched theory that the art of conversation is merely an art of being a good listener. Such advice invites people to be cynical with one another and full of fake, when a conversation becomes a monologue, poked along with tiny cattle prod questions, it isn’t conversation any more. It’s strained, a manipulative game, tiring and perhaps lonely.

Remember nothing reveals more about who you are and what you say. And no series offers you a practical and easy to learn keys to successful conversations like “Public speaking for an astounding success’

You are invited once again to read, assimilate, imbibe, practice what has been written, because it’s an essential people skill, for success in any situation. The present series would save you from having to make a bad conversation and would empower you to becoming a self assured, sought after, successful conversationalist- envied by some, yet sought by most.

Interested. Then be there on the blog periodically. It’s your commitment to your own self.

Don’t simply read, we welcome your thoughts, arguments, opinions – cause at Excalibre we are committed to get unprecedented results by creating breakthroughs in break downs, together.

Your call folks. Now.

Public Speaking for an Astounding Success VIII

2008-12-23T19:33:00.002+05:30

Accepting Appreciation

When on the receiving end if an appreciative comment comes to you, don’t shoo it away, blush, look disapprovingly or with skepticism, instead accept it gracefully, with a simple expression of pleasure.

Goal is to further the goodwill that was begun with the other person’s comment, to reflect back the kindness and pleasure.

Never parrot back the compliment – which most of us indulge in. ‘I like your dress too, your presentation was equally excellent or you played it well too’. If you mean such a remark, put a little spin on to it’ I can’t believe it. I was about to tell you the same thing or Great minds think and work together.

Too many people, in the interest of false modesty, respond to a compliment by repudiating it.’ Oh heavens, it was nothing. I wrote that report five minutes back, and surely it simply was an ordinary effort.

Brushing off the compliment says to the other person that they don’t really know what they are talking about. If you feel compelled to share the credit, at least wait a few sentences to let the other person enjoy giving you a compliment. Once he has finished, then respond by’ You know, I couldn’t have done it without the staff support’.

The easiest come back to a compliment is as simple’ How kind of you’. This reflects the cordiality onto the other person and is, in fact, an appreciative remark in itself.

Respond to a compliment like this

Aren’t you nice to tell me?

Hey, you noticed, Thanks.

How nice of you to say so.

I appreciate your complimentary words.

I appreciate the positive feedback.

I appreciate your concern

I appreciate your noticing

I like to hear that.

Remember a compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly, unless you want to hurt the giver.

Recapping – why Astounding Success in Public speaking is a life imperative

Conversation is one of the most decisive factors in our success in business and life; it’s also an art anyone can learn – with the help of a few simple tips, guidelines and techniques.

This series makes it easy for you, him, me and her, using sample scripts, real life situations and surefire strategies; this is all in one information, structured seamlessly for a discerning learner like you.

Here you are provided with everything you need to become a more successful conversationalist. Whether you are chatting with your co workers at a conference, meeting new people at party, or just talking on the telephone, this confidence building series, can help you jump start your own unique skills and make a positive, lasting impression.

You will be surprised by how easy it is to express yourself, how self assured you will feel and how well people respond to the right words at the right time.

Remember great speakers are measured by how much they were enjoyed the day of the talk. A great movie entertains, and perhaps inspires. You laugh, maybe learn a few things. Reflect here how much you pay to rent a great movie or go to the movies.

With a great speaker, you are also inspired and laugh but it would cost me and you a fortune to bring him around to us. Why the discrepancy in the worth. Because great speakers cause and create change. Their worth is measured, years after the speech, by the change their words brought, in the actions and attitudes of those whose lives they had touched.

So your speech needs to be created around what is really being applied and remembered, and one needs to study the qualities that speaker had exhibited. Remember great speakers affect their audiences in astounding ways.

At Excalibre we believe this is because the great speaker flashes a light of recognition into our minds. We suddenly are present to a truth that was already there.

Like a hunting dog who points his tail back, and nose forward, when he first sees a bird. He recognizes it. The instinct awakens.

The ideas great speakers present are like mirror flashing a bright signal from a far off power source. We are transfixed. We have been waiting for that very message. We already know it, we recognize it, and we say to ourselves’ this is true. This is the confirmation I was waiting for. I recognize and welcome it- like the electrifying sight of our nation’s tri color in an alien land.

Yes, you can learn to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. And here is how you would accomplish it, in simply no time.

In this series you will be familiarized to ready to use conversations and useful suggestions like

How to be universally liked and accepted.

How to listen successfully

How to charm and persuade others.

How and when to tell jokes

How to ask and answer questions

How to keep a conversation going and how to end one

How to deal with difficult conversations.

Remember nothing reveals more about who you are and what you say. And no series offers you a practical and easy to learn keys to successful conversations like “Public speaking for an astounding success’

You are invited once again to read, assimilate, imbibe, practice what has been written, because it’s an essential people skill, for success in any situation.

The present series would save you from having to make a bad conversation and would empower you to becoming a self assured, sought after, successful conversationalist- envied by some, yet sought by most.

Interested. Then be there on the blog periodically. It’s your commitment to your own self.

Your call folks. Now.

Public Speaking For Astounding Success-VII.

2008-12-15T15:19:00.002+05:30

Effective Appreciation

Is brief. If you have to go on and on, it’s likely to sound fulsome and staged.

Is sincere. If you are fabricating something to be appreciative, it will be noticed ay some level.

Listen to the other person’s conversation you see what they pride themselves on. That’s what you need to appreciate, if you can do so with sincerity. With practice, you will find those issues on which you can offer sincere compliments.

Try to be honestly pleased with the person’s accomplishments; this attitude will shine through your words, while making them effective many times over.

The art of pleasing consists in being pleased. If you cultivate a sense of delight in the achievements of others, you have a successful career and a social life ahead of you.

Be specific. Saying ‘you are wonderful’ is a fraction as meaningful as saying’ that hire is fabulous. You really know how to pick them’ or ‘I thought that was the most productive meeting we have had in the recent past. I hope you would chair the next one’ or ‘the new rug in the living room is simply awesome’.

Is phrased positively rather negatively. Instead of saying ‘I can’t believe that you did it, say I was so impressed with what you did’.

Makes the other person feel important. The fact that you have remembered an accomplishment makes them feel important in itself. But if you have found something the other person is proud of, and mention it, they will go thinking nice thoughts about themselves and you.

Is sometimes a ‘transmitted; compliment. When you convey a compliment a third person made, it’s very effective. ‘Sonia tells me she is buying an armoire from you. She says in all her travels she has never seen work as fine as yours.

Is particularly useful in workplace. If you want people to give you their best, appreciate their best when you see it, you might also say nice things to them for doing good and better as well as best.

Tells people they are good at what they do. Compliments on people’s homes, possessions, clothes, and pets are all welcome, but what people remember are the remarks about what they do well.

‘You make everyone feel so welcome and spoiled when you entertain’. We have never had anyone at the front desk who gave such a good impression of the company to visitors.

Uses verbs like’ admire’ and ‘appreciate’ and adjectives like’ knowledgeable, memorable, overwhelming, remarkable, satisfying, stunning, superb, valuable.

Appreciative remarks sound something like this:

All of us have been inspired by the way you have won this account.

Can you stand one more compliment?

I admire the way you have bounced back from the accident. I heard the physical therapy you underwent was pretty demanding.

I admire what you have done with your filling system – we have needed that kind of an overhaul for years.

I am so impressed with the volunteer work you do – you really have made an incredible difference.

I couldn’t help noticing how beautifully organized your office is – I’d love to keep mine like that, but I can’t seem to do it.

I don’t know how I would have managed without your help.

I especially liked the way you simplified the on call system.

Nothing makes people so worthy of compliments as occasionally receiving them. One is more delightful for being told one is delightful.

Remember every body, anybody likes a compliment. Yet most of us, most of times, at most occasions, at most places, mostly are extremely miser in appreciating others while are always seeking for appreciation. A paradoxical paradox.

In -Effective Appreciation

An over dose of praise is like ten lumps of sugar in coffee, only a sect few would swallow it.
Exaggerates or is an obvious attempt to flatter’ Here’s to the best assistant in the world’, “ Our CEO better watch her back now that you are on the staff’, you are the greatest pastor we have ever had’.

These lines makes people uncomfortable and produce the opposite effect of a simple but specific compliment as’ I cant tell you what a joy it is to me to know that whatever I put on your desk gets done quickly and correctly.

Don’t express more than you feel, people know when your sentiments are insincere. Use language that feels genuine and comfortable to you.

Refers to luck playing a role in their accomplishments. “Good for you coming up with that slogan – what a stroke of luck. “ I hear you lucked out and got that patent after all.

While its true that luck and timing often play a role in success, its not gracious –or even truthful – to attribute a person’s successes to luck instead of to the hard work that must have been involved.

Is non specific. “hey, great job on the calendar”. “Nice painting’. ‘You are the best’.

People would much rather hear details, hence you may route your conversation as:

‘This is the first calendar that had photographs you did actually want to keep afterwards – great choices’.

‘Your project managed to include everyone’s input – a monument to tact and efficiency’.

ü Praises the person rather than the action or the deed.’ You are a top notch pianist; instead say ‘You played the last piece with such exquisite feeling that I could smell the sea’.

‘I hear nothing but good things from your division – you have evidently found the right balance between benign leadership and high expectations.

If you tell someone they are an extraordinary chef, they reject it, they know scores of chefs that are better than them/ However tell them that you could eat their dish three times a day and they think that, just possibly, you might have a point. A great chef, probably not. Successful at the compliment on their prepared dish, possibly yes. And so they accept the compliment and will feed your better than ever the, time next.

Is patronizing. When a remark seems to be evaluating or judging or giving someone a grade, it doesn’t feel like a real compliment.’ Well look at you! Who would have thought you would top at the examination’ or ‘you bought the car all by yourself. Good going’.

When you are at the receiving end of an appreciative comment, acknowledge it with a simple expression of pleasure. Your goal is to further the goodwill that was begun with the other person’s comment, to reflect back the kindness and pleasure.

Don’t parrot back the compliment? “I like your dress too’, etc etc.

Too many people, in the interests of false modesty, respond to a compliment by repudiating it.’ Oh heavens it was nothing’ or ‘I wrote that report in five minutes.

Brushing off the compliments to other person that they don’t really know what they are talking about. If you feel compelled to share the credit, at least wait a few sentences to let the person enjoy giving you a compliment.

The easiest comeback to a compliment is a simple’ How kind of you’. This reflects the cordiality onto the other person and is, in fact, an appreciative remark in itself.

You may respond to a compliment with something like this.

Aren’t you nice to tell me that?

Hey! You noticed. Thanks.

How kind of you

How nice of you to say so.

I appreciate your complimentary remarks

I appreciate your concern.

I appreciate your noticing.

Summing up, if you want to be appreciated, known, cared and talked about positively, then start doing for others. Get up, get out and make that happen now, not simply be a self indulgent moron, who keeps fantasizing and expecting, now and for ever.

Your call folks now

Public Speaking For Astounding Success-VI

2008-11-13T01:00:00.003+05:30

Saying Good Bye

In small or intimate groups, desirable is to touch base individually and say good bye, but in larger audiences physical porosity is neither possible nor feasible nor desirable. Thus you might, however write a brief note of thanks in the day following.

Take leave of your host with a brief, warm, sincere ‘Thank you’.

At business gatherings, where there might be no hosts, you need to seek out the organizers, appreciate them on making the event as successful, and mean it too.

Remember glitches would, should and will be there, but stay focused on the outcome, the stupendous effort that your host has put in, deserves at the least – a word of positive reinforcement.

At large functions, you may conveniently slip out without actually saying good bye to anyone, except your friends or people you have been interacting most recently there.

If your feature on the list of invitees ensure, that you need to thank your host for including you.

Lastly on way home, congratulate yourself for being conversation savvy, than you were several hours ago. If remember your faux pas, do so quickly in order to make note not to repeat them. Don’t dwell on them. Instead remember the faces that smiled at you and the people who enjoyed talking to you.

Want to be universally liked – then read on

Yet to be bored by someone who pays me a compliment. True isn’t it. We all yearn to be complimented, and when some one does so, it’s like infusion of a new life in our fatigued veins. I get charged up, I am awake, listening intently, wanting to hear the same, many times over.

Remember it’s the single most effective trait, you can take into a conversation, is the ability to appreciate others. Make it mandatory in each of your conversation, include an appreciative remark.

If you do this, you still need to improve upon it, and if you aren’t then include it as an imperative.

In any conversation. What make you stand out and be remembered later are the pleasant remarks that show your genuine pleasure at something the other person says, does, or has done.

Desist from proving your self right and others wrong, you to be more informed than him, more linguistic than him, more knowledgeable than him, wiser than him, or a better communicator or articulator than him.

Stop listening to your own voice many times over, instead seek genuinely additional information from others and thank them for making you better informed.

Cultivate this skill and you will observe yourself one of the liked individuals at any gathering.

Remember to hear how special and wonderful we are, is endlessly enthralling

Conveying Appreciation

Get a fresh pair of eyes that observes something appreciative in others. If you work with them, you already have information of their strengths and that’s your conversation trigger.

Your report on sales was dynamite; it made me think and provided me a breakthrough. Thanks pal, I appreciate it.

I noticed your sales figure have improved over the preceding month. Would appreciate if you could coach me on how I could better my present performance.

Great cell phone should have mind boggling features. Would you please familiarize me?

You might admire people, yet never think of telling them so. You can double your fun and your effectiveness at both work and home, by letting people know the pleasant thoughts you have about them.

Know a person socially, you might then start with’ I drove by your house the other day, and your landscaping was simply bewitching, awe inspiring or I am amazed at the frontage of your house, it simply is spectacular.

Coin something that it would make him feel important and wanted. Something that can cherish him, lift his mood up, after all we all are eager, very eager and extremely eager to be praised.

Remember leader’s value other peoples worth and opinions and take time to let them know they are important. It doesn’t take much time to pay someone a compliment average being less than six seconds and that isn’t too much of a time.

Now for people you know not, you need to carefully draft your conversation and explore opportunities to show that you think that they are great human beings. Please desist from using flowery language and never over do it.

Don’t be embarrassed to say nice things; it simply doesn’t cost you a dime. As long as they are sincerely meant, compliments rarely fail to please.

Don’t wait for something big to happen – Congratulations on the stupendous discovery and winning the Noble Prize. It would seldom happen, yet its little things in life that you and I need to be grateful about.

Find out something which he has accomplished, however little it may be. Acknowledge it, appreciate it. Your comments on the opinion board, made me reflect and refine my thought process, can be a perfect start of a conversation.

First it might feel false to you, cause we seldom appreciate others, yet with practice you would notice the authenticity cropping in and that’s when people would want to engage and enroll with you.

When you can’t find anything to appreciate in someone, you perhaps can give them a confidence and hope in the future’ we are looking for good things from you in these next few years and I can see that happening very soon’. I am eager to see it happen.

Your call folks now

Public Speaking For Astounding Success-V

2008-06-25T14:23:00.001+05:30

While communicating, is touching important - a debate raging for quite some time now. Some appreciate, while others vehemently oppose it. It’s a debate, a healthy one, and it’s amusing, while educating to hear, read divergent points of view.

You and I may agree, or not with them, but it opens up new vistas in our thinking, observing and action patterns. It throws up options, solutions for other challenges that we currently are grappling with.

Keeping them aside, let’s discuss the importance of TOUCHING, in our daily conversational space.

Touching

We recommend it – ‘If you simply cannot bring yourself to touch, at least make an extra effort to convey the message a touch, through your facial expression, tone of voice, words. But doing this exclusively is gutless’.

Yet except for handshakes, most should refrain from touching people, who are business or social acquaintances cause uninviting touching may feel extremely aggressive to some- both genders included, than you are to err, by being warm and friendly, and limiting yourself to handshakes only.

A person is unlikely to leave you complaining to a friend’ He didn’t hug me! What’s wrong is everything sane with him or he is simply passing away’. Remember, the person whose private space is invaded by an unsought for touch, might feel unruffled, irritated and displeased and he has every right to feel so. Isn’t it?

I am reminded of an anecdote – A president of a company said that when he meets people, he grabs their hand, gives them a bear hug and puts his arm around their shoulders. And most reactions are catatonic. So be it. They may try to take tow steps backward or they can simply enjoy and relax in it. Yet they would never forget it, because I give them a conscious shock, an experience for which they were least prepared.

Touching, bear hugs are acceptable to some communities, cultures as it’s a genuine part of them while for others it’s trespassing. Once intruded the individual defense mechanism comes out and with it comes aggression, high octave levels, polarized thinking, opinions and judgments. The communication then is reduced to a slinging match in which both turn losers.

Remember our effort is to join, integrate people, such that ideas that are transmitted are understood, chewed, digested and implemented. After all it’s the intended result that is paramount, hence any activity which is a road block, needs to be shunned - totally

You might make your own personal, private decisions about how effective touching and bear hugs are, but the discreet, unassailable position, is to save your hugs for family, friends.

Hugs are a sign of warmth and not an opportunity, hence use it discreetly and not manipulatively.

Mingling

For your own sake, don’t get stuck with people you know in the gathering. Easy, convenient and most used is to make known circles and talk known topics – result you get back the already known information. No addition to the learning curve, small talk, no results – a wasteful activity – both in time, resources and efforts.

Social gatherings, cocktails are not to eaves drop, get high on alcohol, eat like a glutton, it’s a great opportunity to network, know the unknown, get real, get fast, get connected and get known.

One of the tactic rules about conversing in a business or social gathering is that you move from person to person or a small group to a small group so that, in theory at least, you spend little time with everyone.

For a one to one conversation, better is to arrange a coffee or luncheon meeting with people for another time. Please don’t single out one of a number of people for an in-depth chat.

Most of us are familiar with the commandment to mingle, so we should be willing to let each other move on as you are to let them. Moving away is perfectly ethical and acceptable.

If you are cornered by someone, you are feeling stifled, you simply can free yourself by backing away if you are aware of the techniques of ending a conversation

Ending a Conversation

Most of us, most of times, at most places encounter people who are stick on, once introduced they tag like a umbical cord. Simply become your shadow and these are those specimens who possess a limited content ability and keep stretching the oft discussed topic to unmanageable proportions.

You start feeling jittery, stifled, a little cagey, but he tags along, you desperately want to call it quits, take the first flight, and yet you simply cannot be blunt, cause of social and business norms.

Signaling wildly to your friends is unacceptable, rolling your eyes or being other wise is exhibiting rudeness. The invitee is precious and is of an obvious interest to you, your host or the represented company. Hence can’t be offensive.

Then what should we do, enjoy the stuck up, be with him, by him and for him or simply fade away from him. Think. Reflect. Ponder.

If yes, then

Let’s examine some of the preventive measures of ending the conversation gracefully.

ü A preventive measure is to always fill your glass one quarter full, so that you can have the excuse of going for a refill.

ü You can interrupt yourself instead of interrupting the other person by

Our new product line was just taking off when –O my gosh, I should have been some where else ten minutes ago. Sorry.

ü Oh that reminds me – before I forget I need to ask Simran this question.

ü Before we quit, let me introduce you a friend of mine.

ü By the way are you aware of the rest room here.

ü I don’t want to monopolize you, so I will let you go and meet a few other people.

ü I have a question for Mr. Sarin, on his speech. Do you want to come with me?

ü I am sorry; I need to take some medication now.

ü I was trying to catch up with Dr Bhasin before he leaves – will you excuse me.

ü The buffet looks sumptuous, let’s find that out.

ü Can I be excused; I just spotted someone after twenty years.

Remember stand not upon the manner of you are going, but go at once. Originality is not everything. The words hosts most want to hear when the evening is over are’ Thank you, I had a wonderful time and ‘Good Night’

On your way back home, pep yourself for being more conversation savvy than you were several hours ago. If you remember your fauxpas, do so quickly in order to make a note of not repeating it in future.

Yet do not dwell on them.

Instead remember the faces that smiled at you and the people who enjoyed talking with you.
Your call now Folks.

Public Speaking for Astounding Success - 1V

2008-06-17T12:00:00.004+05:30

Smile

§ A warm smile and an occasional meaningful nod, gets the message across seamlessly, effortlessly while senseless and too frequent nodding reflects the opposite.

§ Grounded people smile more frequently than others on any other rung of the career ladder – and not just, because they make more money.

§ You and I need to focus on laughter, courage and love, three vital ingredients in composing our life.

ü Leave footprints on the sand and laugh as much as possible.

ü You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and prepare to love somebody

ü You don’t get in life what you want; you get in life what you are.

§ Smile work miracles, it’s the most important, yet most neglected body language of all. It signals that you are affable, comfortable under your skin and receptive to whoever the other person might be.

§ Our tendency is to reflect the emotions we get, hence smile gets back smile, implying that the other person is receptive, open and available.

§ Insincere, strained smile needs to be avoided, shunned. Get the real smile, don’t force or terrorize yourself to smile when you are feeling graved in despondency. Be natural, neutral and open – not crafty, manupulative or simply wearing a finitude.

Shaking Hands

§ Shake hands and not break hands

§ Confident Hand shake helps you to feel absolutely confident about this pre conversational gesture.

Shaking hands – How

ü Approach the other person with the hand already extended.

ü Look pleasingly, not staringly starkly and smile gently. Try to make your look and say’ Ah you are an interesting looking person.

ü Grasp hands, from palm to palm, firmly but not tightly. Remember that other wise healthy looking individuals might have painful arthritis in their hands. Shake hands and not straight a gripping match.

ü View the culture intensely and deeply. Handshakes vary – in some places it’s fast, brisk up and down, a one – two maneuver. While in others one person left hand is placed atop two clasped hands to convey additional warmth. In some, people continue shaking hands for several seconds and if one hand tires, the other is brought into play.

ü While shaking hands, look at the other person’s eyes and saying your introductory line – I am delighted to meet you at last.

ü No gender bias exists in handshakes in the corporate arena.

Basic Conversational Principles.

§ Conversation is a turn taking game. You talk, the I talk, and then you talk again. One person starts talking when another is finished.

§ Objective for the first few minutes of any conversation is threefold.

ü Get some facts about the other person.

ü Share a few things about yourself.

ü Explore commonality between both - a topic of mutual interest.

§ Key to an effective conversation is a certain back and forthing. It isn’t tennis where you return the opponents serve but golf, where you go on hitting your own ball. Remember keeping the ball is an art and is the point of most conversations.

§ Vary your contributions to the conversation by alternating among

ü Making statements.

ü Asking questions.

ü Offering a piece of information about you.

ü Asking something – not personal about the other person.

Then restart all over again because an agreeable balance amongst these four elements will produce the apt kind of conversation.

§ To get started, explore the other persons work, interests, hobbies, culture, and affiliations or better yet, volunteer a little information about yourself. Keep the tone, content light until you hit upon a mutual area, where both seem to be excited and interested.

Conversational gold is found when you mine a topic you are both passionate about.

§ Extensively use the word’ you’ than “I”. If you are discussing a topic, share how it relates to you and why you are interested in it. This adds layers to the conversation. But when “I’ out weighs’ you’ in your conversation, you will notice a waning enthusiasm in the other person.

I am a firm believer in letting guests start off on common- places toll they have shaken down and got the temperature of the room. Even the weather, or the climate, us an unfailingly good topic.

§ Stimulate conversation as much as you can, get in the quiet ones, pass the baton to someone who hasn’t spoken and try discovering an interest common to all.

§ Be interested, friendly, cheerful, good humored, courteous, flexible, and respectful and open minded. Indeed it’s a tall order, but if you get into a conversation expecting better returns, you will be all that and more.

§ Observe the audience intensely and keep a pleasant expression on your face. Even if you are disgusted, disinterested, disenchanted, unhappy, unconformable, try to box the feelings up for a later examination.

You know that you are fractured, why let the whole world know it, why should and why would you be the constipated personality. If something was bad, it’s past now, why ruin the present by reminiscing about the past.

§ Use the words’ we, our, ourselves and us’ to establish a kinship, a sense of being in the same boat.

§ If feeling shy, self conscious, then approach someone who is standing alone, one who wants to talk, but is reserved to dos so. The person you are talking to is probably just as shy as you are that most of us are.

At any gathering there is likely to a handful of guests as ill at ease as you are. Find them, seek them and establish a contact with them. Also don’t get fixed with one person, even if it sounds and feels comfortable. Move around. circulate around cause mingling is expected of everyone.

§ Avoid taking when drinking, eating, unless you are aware of the art of multi-tasking.

§ Be open about being ignorant of the topic. It’s humble and all right. It’s expected that you aren’t an encyclopedia, who knows all. Remember ignorance is bliss while knowledge is bondage.

§ Use details, precise descriptions, and colorful nouns. Use humor, subtle not overt. Avoid slang’s, jargons, and multisyllabic words.

§ Establish a feeling that you are floating in the same wave length, don’t be an adult or a parent. Simply be you, in most cases let the other take the lead, and let him explain, even if you know. You may get a better insight after hearing and if not, you simply have revised your known domain once more.

Good manners are the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Who ever makes the fewest persons uneasy, is the best bred in the company

§ Attempt to match your rhythm of speaking and even the volume, with that of the other person. This makes him feel that you are in tune with him. If he is soft, be soft, if he is loud, be normal, if he is aggressive, be neutral, if he is subdued, make the environ lighter by being humble and humorous. You need to establish a meaningful contact with him. Hence Endeavour it fully.

§ Have a small talk and never try to say something remarkable. Avoid flying in thin air skating on thin ice, because you surely are going to fall flat, hard and the experience would be astonishingly painful.

Everyday topics are easy acceptable, observe the discussions, its intensity, content, audience and only once you have understood it fully, scale up slowly and surely.

§ Lastly, maintain eye contact – direct but not unrelenting. From time to time gaze away from the persons shoulder so that you aren’t memorizing their face. Unrelieved eye contact makes people uncomfortable, look at the whole face and not stare at the eyes only.

Your call folks now

Public Speaking for Astounding Success - 111

2008-04-05T23:27:00.003+05:30

Check Out Your Body Language

§ From the moment you walk in the door, your body is busy telling people all about you.

§ What would you think about someone who rushes into a gathering, looking harried, sweaty and all places?

Or some one who slouched in furtively, hoping not to be noticed.

Or someone who had an ‘apologetic’ written all over him, from hunched shoulders to puppy dog eyes.

§ You probably wouldn’t be anxious to talk to that person. You simply would want to fade away from him.

Reflect: Am I also projecting the same image and if so, what’s the impression person are carrying about me.

Do I wish to change it or I am contended in struggling to make myself visible, listened and noticed.

§ Remember movement never lies – its nature talk, its pure, virgin and expansive, easily communicated and deftly understood.

§ The truth often lies not in words I speak but in the manner, in which I say things. Humans communicate feelings almost exclusively with non verbal signs.

ü How often have I asked myself’ wasn’t there a tinge of arrogance in his voice.

ü Are her eye serious in spite of that joking remark

ü Do his folded arms mean that he is against the idea?

§ Body language reveals much about the emotions of the person you are talking to.

ü If an employer crosses his arms while conducting a job interview, he isn’t pleased with the candidate.

ü A woman turns away her partner while they are talking, then she clearly has no interest in him, despite his friendly words.

Empathy must be learned.

§ Messages transmitted from our bodies, generally are more honest than the words we speak.

Whether we are dealing with children, partner, friends, colleagues, the person can interpret the real feelings behind the masks.

§ The ability to empathize with someone is childhood learning.

When young children see another child crying, they themselves burst into tears and offer comfort and help. It’s only between three to five years of age, that they begun to differentiate between their own and feelings of others. So much so eventually they become immune to their and other feelings totally, as they age more.

§ In late childhood comes the ability to understand feelings independently of actual situations. Moral convictions are formed this time and youngsters often feel a burning desire to support other’s rights.

§ Only those who are able to put themselves in another person’s position and feel their emotions will be in a position to act in a morally forthright manner.

His mannerisms, gestures and voice expressions would exuberate, conviction and confidence. He normally would be an intense speaker, who would speak from his heart and his conversations would be elongated, laced with personal examples and experiences.

Empathize, not sympathize, get steps to effect solutions and not beat around the problem. Be aware that there is a challenge staring at you, it’s an opportunity, a welcome break.

Be there to help one another devise a plan of action – simple immaculate steps that would give quantum results. The way we think, is reflected in the way we talk, stand, sit and sleep.

Observe a successful person, he is all ears to what you state, listens intently, attentively and then calmly devises a probable solution. No agitations, simply explains the proposition and leaves the final decision to you.

Check out Your Body Language ……Steps

Posture

ü You already have a good posture; you still can make it better.

ü Its distracting to be trying to converse with people while simultaneously hissing to yourself’ Stand up straight, Shoulders back, Stomach in’

ü If your posture needs work, work on it, before and after, not during events that call for conversation. Self consciousness will prevent you from being the interesting person you are.

ü Person who stands tall – not stiffly, moves in calm, purposeful way, automatically generates respect from one and all. From the moment you enter a room with dignity and easy confidence, you tell people you are someone who matters – to yourself and them.

ü Appropriate posture includes the way you hold your head. Keep your head leveled – inferring an assured, candid, capable nature. It also aids your voice fuller tones and you seem to be looking right in the eyes of your audience.

Bowed head, studying the floor, makes one look unsure, vulnerable, passive, and possibly even guilty of something.

Tilting your head to one side exhibits curiosity and interest while it may also indicate unease, helplessness, dependence or bewilderment.

Fidgeting and Gestures:

Blushing, Contraction of facial muscles, Involuntary grimaces and Rapid Blinking are involuntary body gestures that are difficult to control.

Their effects can be mitigated only when you continuously work on them – diligently. Harbor the belief that they have disappeared and you would note, simply in a few days, they actually have evaporated and you are now viewed as an able and resourceful conversationalist.

Following actions are controllable, with marginal effort and practice.

ü Adjusting your eye glasses or clearing your throat constantly.

ü Crossing your arms, tightly over your chest.

ü Fiddling with objects – pen, purse, marker, keys etc.

ü Fidgeting.

ü Fingering rings or jewelry.

ü Folding/unfolding your arms

ü Giggling

ü Glancing continually at your watch

ü Hitching up your belt.

ü Laughing nervously or loudly.

ü Looking around careless around the room.

ü Making distracting gestures

ü Picking lint from your clothes.

ü Playing with your tie

ü Pocketing your hands

ü Scratching your head or chin

ü Slouching or leaning

ü Smoothing your clothing

ü Tucking in bra or slip straps

ü Tugging at shirt cuffs

ü Twisting your moustache.

§ First step is to be aware of what you are doing; most people haven’t a slightest hint of what they are doing. Repetitive and pointless gestures spring from nervousness and insecurity. Once you begin gaining confidence in your skills and popularity as a conversationalist, it will be fairly easy to weed them out.

§ Don’t let your attention wander from the other person to the loudly dressed individual across the room or on the wall paintings, artifacts or decorations.

Ignore everything, but the people with whom you are conversing.

Your call folks now

Excalibre's Initatives for Executive Evolution

2008-02-28T01:31:00.004+05:30

A. Strategic Vision. Apex Management

Fast, not Hasty Thinking – the new competitive advantage.
Accelerate yet sustain speed – the new business imperative.
The sound of silence- iIntensive listening all across.
Creativity - the new insights to a powerful exisitence.
The power of impossible thinking.
Inspirational leadership- do I have that in me.
Appreciative Leadership - the new competitive advantage
Making Judgment Calls – the Ultimate Act of Leadership
It’s not the big that eats the small; it’s the fast that eats the slow- be a Strategic Mover.
Corpoarte Governanace- the path of evolving corpoartions.

B. Behavioral Sciences. Across Levels

Counseling skills for Performance Management.
Personal Effectiveness - Traits of a winner.
Get more from less - Managerial Effectiveness.
The Art of Delegation and Motivation.
Manage your energy and not your time.

C. Transactional Spheres. Across Levels

Be a stress mukt and samayah yukt professional- Time and Stress management.
Impact without Authority – hone up my Interpersonal Effectiveness and Influencing Skills.

D. Skill Enhancements – Across Levels - Achieving Breakthrough Series in:

Presentation & Communications skills for Professional Effectiveness.
Business Proposal writing. The new business imperative.
Change your questions to change your life- The art of Probing.
Customer Satisfaction is Worthless, Customer Loyalty Is Priceless.
Value chain selling - evolve and not transact with your customer.
Major Accounts – Can I nurture, evolve and drive them?
Changing the game – Strategic Negotiations for the long term
Competitive Decision Making - The New Advantage.
Service Excellence – Raise the bar
Enhance your entrepreneurial capability – I Inc.

E. Personal growth. Self Growth involving Families

Self Discovery – Inculcate childlike and not childish attributes in your domains.
Don’t sweat the small stuff –Celebrate and not transact relationships

F. Customized Interventions: Across Levels

Specific Interventions for Senior Citizens - Odyssey (school for the Second Half of Life).
Focused workshops on Women Empowerment and Relationship Management.

Each interface is for 2- 5 days depending on the targeted populace and coverage intended.

Public Speaking for an Astounding Success-11

2008-02-28T01:08:00.003+05:30

After I have convinced myself that I want to go, and have firmed up on what I intend to say, the next critical denominator is that I need to

Take My Best Self With Me.

The single most important element in being the kind of person everyone wants to relate, talk, share is …CONFIDENCE.

I walk into a room, equipped with subject knowledge, and am happy to be there, am looking forward to interacting with some interesting people like you, and am sure that I can handle whatever conversational challenge that crops my way, I have won half the battle already.

Me, you, he, we, they, all of us expect to be liked and accepted. Take for granted that people will be happy to see you, because you have been invited.

They are eager to listen to you, are excited to be a part of you, they are all ears, eyes and brain for you. They know that you are a good person and a great professional, that’s why they have accepted you to be a part of their group.

They expect you to be a great speaker, one who can create change. Your worth is measured, years after the speech, by the alteration your words created in their thinking patterns and resultant actions.

You are the change agent – one who can create revolution with his power of words. It’s because of those words you create moments of truth and long term applications in hearts of those who encounter your words.

Remember great speakers affect their audiences in astounding way. I believe this is because the great speaker flashes a light of recognition into the listeners mind. They suddenly see a truth that was already there. Like a hunting dog who points his tail back, nose forward, when he sights a bird. He recognizes it. The instinct awakens.

The ideas great speakers present are like a mirror flashing a bright signal from a far off power source. Audience is transfixed. They have been waiting for that very message. They already know it. They recognize it.

They mumble to themselves’ this is so true, this is the confirmation that they were seeking for long.

“ I recognize it, welcome it, appreciate it, and accept it and now I need to practice it”.

Your talk must change actions and attitude. Then how would you and I be an effective speaker. One who creates electricity on stage?

Three principles behind looking, acting and being confident are:

People will take you at my own evaluation. My attitude about myself bounces back to me from other people. If I think I lack social skills, others will assent my perception as fact.
My thought that I have no worthy content to offer, people would start observing me as a liability.
My thought that I am inconsequential, nobody, people will look down upon you as a waste paper basket.
On the other hand, if I think I am intelligent, smart, savvy, charming, kind, people will assent these too.
People, in forming their opinions of others, are usually lazy enough to go by whatever is most obvious or whatever chance remark they happen to over hear. Hence best policy is to dictate to other the opinion you want them to follow
People will catch and mirror my emotional states. If I am enthusiastic, they too would be charged up and if I am bored, appear like a life less moron, they also would look fagged out,
fizzled out and as breathing dead
People tend to behave the way I think, they should behave. If my thought is that they are cold, snooty, uncaring, the same would be exhibited to me. So why do I get perturbed at an adverse reaction.
Remember I desired it and achieved it too. It’s a sure shot success. Now let’s savor it, celebrate it

Magic is to act as if I am brave and confident. Act as if others are happy, ecstatic to see me. I need to believe or at least act as though I believe that the other person is excited, raring to spend a few minutes with me.

Remember all power is based in perception, If I think I have it, then I do, if I think I don’t, then even if I have it, I simply wouldn’t be able to access it.

Need to keep reminding myself that the vast majority of this group is kind, well mannered, and are willing to give anyone a chance. Even a second one.

Feel free to be thinking ‘ Help, I am a fish out of water, I am dying, I am at loss what to say, I am boring, disgusting, none is interested in me and I surely is going to spill something stupid – they will know in a few seconds that I am an imposter, fraud.

Think anything I like, but I would stand up straight, smile, shake hands, calmly and charmingly say ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you’.

Remember I am not everybody’s cup of tea. It’s simply not possible that I am the only suitor for the entire gathering. I need not be perfect. I am the way I am, one who is in love with his own self, yet is striving hard to improve each day, every day, every time and at every place.

Hence I deserve a chance, a chance to better my performance, raise my bar because I know that nothing is more essential to success in any area of my life, than my ability to connect and communicate well.

Your call Folks. Now

Kick start any Conversation from Inception to Finality

2008-01-22T00:06:00.000+05:30

· You aren’t the only one who got jitters, who went tumbling down, who for a moment thought that the world has stopped and you are the only one who is whizzing on his own axis.

· There is simply no reason why any of us cannot become a good conversationalist. It is universal and is the most decisive factors for our success and failure.

· Fluent in speech, impeccable in planning and flawless in execution are the three legs of a tripod, each important, stand alone yet aligned.

· Get clear, simply you are investing time in reading this information, you don’t need to be convinced of its importance – its shows the zeal and enthusiasm that you have inside, to make and not for wait for things to happen.

· This series of information will prime your pump, jump start your battery, provide the inspiration you need to attain absolute confidence in your ability to say the right thing, to anyone, anywhere, anytime and at anyplace.

· First series of articles are critical components of your tool box. Guidelines and strategies will provide you everything that you require to be an incredible success – a great conversationalist.

· Techniques of what, how, when, where and what not to say would be shared with one and all.

At Excalibre our endeavor is to assist you to get transformed into robust and powerful speakers, who then would become the torch bearers of helping others.

Our goal is to ensure that this world becomes a highly content worthy and communicative place where each one expresses him/her freely, sans inhibitions, boundaries, cultural and educational vagaries.

So let’s get started

A famous speaker, confessed that most of the times he found his talk extremely boring, unsatisfactory and that he never said the things he actually meant to say, thus was over whelmed with the things, that he should have but couldn’t say so.

Then how he actually arrived at making good conversations, queried his friend. Buddy from pure experience answered the speaker. And from where did he get the experience. From hiccups, falls, audiences reactions and my observations – when ever I made a bad conversation.

I observed to absorb.

Remember good manners – the longer I live the more I am convinced of it – are priceless insurance against failure and loneliness. And anyone can have them.

Before Talking to Anyone- Convince yourself you want to make it happen

· Be certain that you have arrived; you simply choose to be there. You aren’t there by default or were pushed into it. You accepted it gracefully, willingly and consciously, cause you wanted to make an inedible mark – first on your own self and then on others.

· It aint the workplace where I and you can afford to be unambiguous, about whether we would like to attend the office or skip the day.

· The moment you hate being at someplace, your mind gets confused, brain stops thinking and body coils inward. Result our conversation is any thing but scintillating. Thus either I walk out with a smile, feel good factor or I stay put in the bed, feeling and being miserable about everything and anything.

Haven’t we heard that positive people can take on the world?

Have something to say – meaningful and not frivolous

· Don’t venture out, whether in office or from home, if you have nothing to share. Don’t live like a lost zombie. Collect fodder for conversation from radio, newspaper, friends, emotions, lectures, from any where. Simple way – just keep yourself abreast with the current events, sports, cultural happenings, corporate warfare, stock markets etc.

· Present era is of information; we are literally swarmed with tones of it each day. Make the most of it, create topics that interest you and also can be a tropical topic for others and if I and you can do this, then we would never get caught short in conversation sweep stakes.

· When you need to break the silence, start with a question’ did you by any chance watch the match’? You simply give a clue and you would be astonished the way people gobble it up and start. Sometimes you get amused that why aren’t they even taking a pause, forget about stopping.

· Smart speakers keep a already reckoner of topics with them, where they have some better information than most, its their comfort zone, from where they can guide others to be their companions, yet keeping the control with themselves.

· Don’t rehearse; let it come naturally and not structurally. Most of us simply want to memorize what we need to say. That’s just not in, go with the flow of the conversation, yet put spokes and get it back on track, if its wavering, but don’t exhibit a feeling that you are sequencing it- manipulatively.

· Be natural, spontaneous, flowing when you are conversing, appreciate others view, even if they are diametrically opposite to yours. Our aim is to kick start something worthwhile and not win the discussion. We simply are sharing, thoughts, ideas are more important, especially those from where you and I can profit.

Ignore the face, respect, applaud the idea, cause today it’s the knowledge era, where ideas can give rise to great business proposals

Public Speaking for an Astounding Success- Part 1

2008-01-11T22:42:00.000+05:30

My personal experiences with people who enroll in Presentation and Communication courses, when asked what’s their take homes, one over riding concern shared is’ When I am called to stand up and speak, I become tongue tied, I experience loss of thoughts, words , my legs tremble and I become sweaty and shaky

I become so conscious that I feel everyone and everything is detailing my intensely, I become fearful, my expression powers tail spins, and I forget what I know so well and eventually I tumble deep in the well, myself.And after messing up, most of us sulk, feel bad, cause we messed up, where we should have excelled, it was simply a bad ending to a good product.

So we coil up inwards into a shell and then give it up all over, consoling ourselves that we simply weren’t cut out for it.More so it happens when it shouldn’t, asking a girl out for a date, proposing, saying those three words, asking boss for a deserved raise are areas where we flunk with most.

Result, someone else takes and walks away with the cake, and I feel crestfallen, disoriented and dejected.

Remember you may be the best hunk around, the best soul, the most vibrant personality, in fact you may possess all the virtues for making things happen, yet with most of us, we await for things to happen and a smart cookie by that time takes away our idea, our apple cart, claiming that it was his own and we simply fret and fume, helplessly.

Ponder – isn’t that what most of us are struggling with, some openly, some privately. Yet we are groping for answers, skills, techniques that would transform me out of the womb and help me experience the fullness and richness of being an effective communicator.

At Excalibre, our experience of interacting, knowing and working, with over 45,000 professionals, had stimulated us, to start a series of articles, that are simple to read, easy to follow, precise, concise which would help most of us, to tide over this Tsunami, once for all, safely, effortlessly and seamlessly.

Lets get clear, I know you all can, I am certain you all will, what is required is to follow precise directions and instructions which would develop courage within me and up my self confidence, while boosting my self esteem.

Sharing a personal anecdote - at a social gathering, celebrating India win as T 20 champions, several personalities were requested to share some thoughts and then out of the blue, the toastmaster remarked’ We have amongst us a CEO,( incidentally his corporation was footing the bill) who would throw light on Corporate management in Cricket.Hell broke loose for this CEO, he was at sea.

Countless times he would have lectured, preached and bored his staff to death with his one way speeches, but here he had to relate his knowledge with an entirely different perspective. His heart doubled the pace, skipped beats.

The audience was applauding vigorously and looking up to him. He simply shook his head and the applause heightened and demand for his speech grew louder and bolder.

He was in positive misery because he knew surely that if he got up, he is going to tumble badly.

Thus he arose and without saying a word, turned his back on his friends and slipped away silently – deeply embarrassed and humiliated inside.Would you like to exchange places with this CEO, or should I have the inert capacity to make these happens – simply by honing up the way I speak and the effect I create.

Remember it’s not important what you know, critical is how do you package and present it.

(Wait for part 11, it would be uploaded shortly)

Excalibre- - Why Should You Talk to Us

2007-02-23T21:06:00.000+05:30

The Excalibre Experience.

Excalibre, a consulting initiative, assists professionals to discover their inherent potential, through the magic of thinking big, thus evolving them to being I – Inc.

Key facilitation areas, include:

a. Strategic Management.
b. Behavioral sciences.
c. Skill enhancements.
d. Transactional spheres
e. SELF Growth and
f. Entrepreneurship – Inculcate freedom and not addiction to the monthly cheque.

These interfaces assist people to enhance their deliverables, by inculcating techniques to choose freedom-based goals while aligning their Natural Talents to Profession.

•Aim – to evolve, expand , nurture and empower talent – cause we believe that only ordinary people can accomplish extraordinary tasks.

Other domains of Value Addition are

1. Corporate - Value Re-engineering and Strategic Business Restructuring
2. Entrepreneurship as a career - target populace- students at schools & colleges.
3 Counseling for Group/ Individual, to conciliate the specific needs of

Objective crystallization.
Conflict and Peer pressure issues.
Relationship Management and Adolescence challenges.

Why Executive Education by EXCALIBRE

Answer

Key deliverables aim to:

a. Align elements of ‘performance trinity’ – management & leadership, culture and values, and, strategy and vision.

b. Induce a radical innovation and creative excellence in all spheres.

c. Practice effective methods of ‘value exchange’ designed to enhance the ‘value equation’ for employees, customers, partners and investors.

d. Identify and revisit the shared values at the heart of the Corporation’s culture.

e. Develop value – centered means of performance measurement and recognition.

f. Imbibe an entrepreneurial spirit and aspire to evolve from a wealth seeker to a wealth creator.

In addition - Continuum Management evolution – which is why over 20,000 professionals with varying needs have consulted Excalibre, over the past 48 months, to acquire new ways of thinking, gain exposure to the latest practices, hone their individual management skills, and learn to apply their expanded competencies to strengthen company’s competitiveness

Vital Statistics

Value addition spans over 8 industries and 30 apex corporations have partnered with Excalibre, to help satisfy thier talent pool creation, nurturing and evolution.

5.6 million man-hours of consulting interface, at 9 management levels, through 18 different initiatives at 23 locations pan India.

1.2 million man hours of training with apex professional institutions, schools and forums.

Talent Pool.

K S Ahluwalia - PGDBM – has been working extensively in the space of assessment and coaching for leadership development and driving organizational change.

K S, experience encompasses roles as both internal and external OD consultant. Quality experience of over 25 years, spanning 8 industries, 9 management levels, with fortune 500 corporations, helped him to understand the business and industry dynamics intensely.

Harpreet Ahluwalia

Principal Coach – that has clogged over 1 million man hours of trainings with apex corporations & Management Institutions.

Imparts education in various Disciplines of Marketing & Advertising with Management Institutes of repute, in the National Capital Region, for over 20 years.

Was instrumental in developing curriculum for disciplines of Marketing & Advertising for AIMA. Assisted AIMA in grading & project Evaluations for Specialized Marketing courses across different industry segments.

Shares her thoughts on disciplines of Advertising, Marketing & Branding at various management foras. Has developed complete education curriculum in arenas of Advertising & Marketing for various Management Institutes.

Conducts courses on Niche Marketing & Communications.

Imparts Product Positioning skills and Concepts of Marketing Management.

Post Graduate in Economics (Gold Medalist) and Management (M.B.A), with specialization in Marketing and Finance.

Meaningful interface with apex management instituions like - All India Management Association, Birla Institute of Technology, Wigan & Leigh, National Institute of Advertising & Asian Film & Television Institute.

What Can We Do For You?

At Excalibre experience, we measure our success by yours.

Our goal is to ensure that you achieve the results you need – and deserve.

Our aim is to accelerate your growth and career possibilities.

Our state of the art seminars and executive coaching are customized for your unique needs.

Learn strategies to create a powerful professional presence.

Develop effective new leadership and management skills.

Enhance your performance, productivity and profitability

Reach us at D 138 Sector 36, Noida. 210 303. India. Cell 91-09350881748. 91-120-2574698

Lessons of Life that my pet dog Spotty taught me.

2007-02-22T00:46:00.000+05:30

Spotty- our pet male dog, came into our lives about 14 years back. I still remember the day when he was transported from Agra to Delhi, the whole time he was held in hand.

Tiny, fragile and a simple ton - a pomerian whose coat is pure white sprayed with light browns spots. Simply cute and extremely venerable was he. Barely was in position to open his eyes.

Our second child - after the birth of my son Harjot, who then was about 6 months old.

Spotty from the beginning was majestic and had an aura around him. Clear he was from the start, that he had to be handled with care. Playful he was, but don't be rude and aggressive with him. If he didn't appreciate some thing, he simply would walk away.

Lesson one - don't react simply exit the scene and not create a scene.

Hygienic he is to his very bone - he would not sit in a place that's has either dirt or water spilled. if it isn't available he would keep standing - no compromises or short cuts. Meant business either provide me an apt place or simply forget. I am not budging

Lesson two - Be clear on quality parameters and simply don't dilute.

Feeds have to be on time - 9am and1630 hours - not a minute more or less - the bowl needs to be washed and cleaned properly. Leave a speck of dirt and he wont eat. Delay the feed and he wont eat- cant take him for granted.

Tea time means one biscuit. An amusing way of making his wants known - would simply go near the cupboard that has the stuff and stand there - eyes directly looking at you. Message clearly transmitted - no ambiguity.

One could measure the watch with him.

Biscuit needs to be gently placed on the floor- throw and he would walk away.

Lesson Three - Astute Time Management and Communication Skills. Also inculcate pride in what ever you do.

Ring - door bell - and he is off like a tsumani - barking furiously at the gate. Dare not enter without permission. You do that and he would pounce. A great security guard i have.

No cat, monkey or rat dare could enter the house. The moment he spotted them, they had it, he would stand up on his hind legs and attack them, size, shape, numbers didn't matter. Simple message - get the hell out of here.

Harpreet my wife is an avid gardener and is passionate of growing Chrysanthemums - 800 pots we had on terrace which was a feast for monkeys. Put spotty on guard and relax. Not a soul could come near them.

Lesson Fourth - Whatever you do, simply be the best.

Harjot, my son enjoyed sounds of birds, consequently we had two parrots in our house- uncaged and they walked all over. Parrot is a great meal for dogs, but just one instruction to Spotty - No, poor thing used to watch them intently, many a times the parrots would climb over him, but there wasn't any reaction.

Lesson Fifth - Instruction given is honored. No excuses - no sloppiness.

Every 15 days bathing was a must - and it was honored by him in latter and spirit. Silently he used to go through the ritual, but after cleaning one could see a gleam in his eyes - cause he was aware that he is looking GREAT and he enjoyed each moment of it.

Lesson Sixth- Enjoy the moment - live life as life and not as an excuse.

Spotty now is 14 years - totally blind and doctors have ruled our surgery cause of his age. and yet till date he hasn't lost any of his instincts

a. Though he cannot see, he still finds his way through smell and would bark when he is stuck for help.

b. Each day, the moment my wife Harpreet wakes up, he follows her and would await her outside the wash room - till the time he is cuddled and hugged. Then he would follow her for his biscuit.

b. The feed has to be changed - toppings need to be of variety and he ensures that it is done.

c. Hearing and seeing though feeble, he still barks whenever he can hear the door bell ring - makes an effort to run towards the main door.

d. His walk still is majestic - will sit only when his bed is made.

Spotty is there, as a guide, no regrets that he can't see.

An invaluable lesson that he taught us all - Its not the moments in life that are important critical is the life in those moments.

Spotty - our friend , comrade and guide.

Your call folks now

Time Senstivity - do we value

2007-02-21T01:36:00.000+05:30

Do we value time - are we sensitive or are we stoned - questions that have been amusing me, still groping to find the answers and the search continues.

We give appointments and then conveniently forget about them, never call back the person who may have travelled a distance, made an effort to meet us.

Over and above then we hide behind mechanical words - I am sorry just got stuck up. We simply take it that its normal and nothing wrong if i couldn't fructify what myself had decided.

Make people wait is the most unethical thing that we can do and yet its done with increasing perfection.

Observations

How would you rate the person who doesn't honor time. What character is he exhibiting. Occupying the seat isn't respecting it.

Corporate life is weird - your subordinates today can be your bosses tomorrow. its a small world. Reflect what sort of behavior and interactions i am doing with them. Am i ready to be paid in the same coin back.

Reflect. Ponder. Examine!!!!!!!!!!

Your call folks

Hindi Film Dhoop

2007-02-21T01:13:00.000+05:30

I watched Dhoop film today on television - dedicated to a family crusade to get a petrol pump allotted that was given cause their son achieved martyrdom at Kargil. The film let me shocked, numb and deeply disappointed.

Not at the film, but the issues raised. Its shameful that the parents of martyrs are subject to abject humiliation, red tapism and sneering from all those who are sitting cosly in their cocoons and enjoying life, while our foot soldiers are doing what is seemingly impossible.

Lucky that my son wasn't watching else he would have been totally disillusioned with the treatment given to the families when the soldier departs.

Apart from introspection the movie highlighted depicted certain situation handling from a Management perspective, that are shared as below:

a. Single minded determination of the father of the martyr who was focused to achieve what he had desired- nothing could, would, shall and will stop him - that shows immensity of determination and focus.

The care for less attitude of the Colnel who wanted Mr kapoor( father) to succumb to him and system.

The challenge by Police Chowki incharge not to give NOC till such times the palms aren't greased.

Land allotment officer who wanted Rs 3 lakhs to release the letter.

Threatening by muscle men to the parents and well wishers.

Media playing a footage rather than facilitating role.

Despite all these the writ, confidence and astute planning of Mr Kapoor, helped him to inaugurate the Petrol Pump - Kargil Heights- vasundra - New Delhi.

Recommend that all shoud OBSERVE this film - it teaches living life in face of extremes- something most of us have forgotten. its an excellent management film.

Dhoop is a true story and i salute the parents of the brave soldier who accomplished a task no less than the bravery exhibited by thier major son.

Its past midnight and i still am in a reflective mood - thinking that what can we all do to change the expanse - are you and i going to be a country of corrupt values, loose ethics and low morals where each one takes more, a shylock attitude or we simply discuss it on cocktails or coffee tables and leave it there.

Your call folks

1. ENJOY THE MOMENT- DON’T RUN BEYOND

2007-02-18T02:01:00.000+05:30

Let's take an example. When a sensory organ, which has its roots in the mind, experiences a stimulus, it usually gives a feeling of being happy or elated. A state, most of us would want to experience, perpetually. But then why does it happen some time. Why is it an occasional visitor? Why cant it be a part of me- now and for all times to come.

A nagging question. An uncanny observation. Need answers! But is unable. Hence give up and compromise. Incidentally the answer is extremely simple, and some of us would also know it. The answer is - as, we have transformed ourselves from a simple to a complex person; skepticism has become a inherent part of us. Consequently one is more interested to dissect the feeling, to find out the cause, and in doing so; the sanctity of the feeling, evaporates.

Life is to be lived and is not arithmetic. It’s a feeling that needs to be cherished; it’s a poetry, which needs to be felt, and not examining it from grammar point of view.

Lets take an example - At a social gathering a lady enjoyed a sweet dish. Excitedly she approached the host for the recipe, and was informed that the recipe is available in the club each Friday. But to join the club one needed to be a social worker of eminence.

So the lady now enrolls herself as a social worker and within few months, becomes increasingly involved, in the social activities. She does a good job and then applies for the membership. Since she was known fairly, her friends advise her to contest the election. She jumps in the fray, and in this pursuit, has totally forgotten that all she desired was a simple recipe - which stimulated the beginning of this mad race.

Strangely, we all are in pursuit of imaginary happiness and peace outside, where they exist not. We have forgotten to be simpletons and instead, are getting increasingly caught, in our self-created cow webs.

When one step beyond the point of complete enjoyment, one unintentionally creates, a Sansar - world, of own, in which one gets so involved that he misses/ looses the point of simple enjoyment, from where it all stared. Similarly in our daily tasks, we loose the discrimination of the point of enjoyment and of going beyond. And when we do, we create complexities in our lives. Eventually gets trapped and feel frustrated.

Lets take another scenario - at a breakfast table one of the most widely acclaimed surgeons, witnesses an argument. So, he leaves for work with an agitated mind. While performing a routine operation, he commits an error. Why? - the agitation in his mind had debarred him to use his intellect, his very own, and which he had with himself. He just couldn't get access to it, and so committed a folly - a folly, that was completely avoidable.

Your call folks now

The Art of Forgiveness

2007-02-18T01:39:00.000+05:30

Am I a prisoner of my own philosophies, opinions and judgements? Is my philosophy evolving or is it limiting. Is it based on wisdom or is it based on fallacy. Is it myopic or is it encompassing. Have I ever wondered, pondered and examined my belief's, my edifices of truth. Or am I blindly following them.

If my philosophy isn't visionary isn't free from bondage's then there would exist a dichotomy - a chasm where one would experience a yawning gap as to what he is and what he ought to be. The more the gap, the more one would be susceptible to confusion and chaos. On the other hand, if there is a merger between who am I and what I should be, then one experiences harmony, fullness and completeness.

Philosophy is based on thoughts, perceptions and interactions with the external world- our experiences of transacting with others.

The principal constituents of philosophy are:

1. Who am I?
2. What's my understanding about myself?
3. What are my belief's that my mind and emotions obey.
4. What's my evolution check chart.

Answers to the above would provide us an experience- good or bad, when we face adversities. Examine the experience I experience when faced with conflict or a challenging situation. The experience so experienced tells us the state where we are in. if its pleasant then we are evolving if distasteful then we as a personality are stagnating.

But the road to evolution is extremely hazardous. It meanders, its like taking a
long way to home. It's not straight jacketed. Why, cause it wants me to experience different thoughts, different emotions and only then would I be aware of the vastness of them.

Each experience is an addition to my learning curve. The more the learning, the better would be its applications and if the applications are better, effectiveness would be its by-product. And surely, most of us want to be effective in our life.

Struggle leads to short fuse, anger, and give up attitude. I am reminded of a famous line that runs

' Kaam no chodha, Krodh na chodha par naam japna chodh diya'

I haven't partaken lust, anger but I have partaken mediation.

Strangely: only when one meditates, one would be open to receiving positive experiences,the more the positive experiences, the better would be the perceptions, the better the perceptions, the lesser would be the conflicts, the lesser the conflicts, harmony, often, would encompass me and when I am more in harmony, I would experience better concentration and,when I am concentrating better, more I would be passionate to my activity, and, more I would be passionate to the transaction, more I would be capable to transform the transaction into a lasting solution.

Is it a win win situation or a loose loose scenario? Think about it?

Most of us suffer from a disease known as questioning- we are passionate questioners. Why? Is our buzzword?; so experts we have become that our mind is tuned to only asking information, for asking sake. Simply are data collators. Piles and piles of information we have, but when required its simply not accessible.

Simply it's dumped - stored as chaos. Not methodically arranged and stacked in the first place. Only when stacking is proper can one apply it, and then only can one share the findings.

Inadequacy of knowledge leads to questioning. Questioning starts only when the mind is not at ease. Wisdom dawns only when one graduates to experiencing, feeling and not listening or questioning. Masters don’t speak, they help you to experience.

As an experience of simply a moment, is like knowledge of thousand books condensed. Remember appropriate knowledge is encompassing. No questions remain. A man of knowledge is in tranquility, is internally poised. And hence unshakable. Emotions simply cannot take better of him. Consciousness, creativity are his drivers while he is in firm control.

One in control responds to unjust but he refrains from exercising judgments and punish the others. For him the eyes need to see and not conclude. Anger, lust avarice, do knock at his doors, but seldom take charge of his house.

Refrain from reacting to anger, as the anger lives in you. And one who resides in you takes charge of you and reduces you to a slave and he being the master. Not a plausible proposition.

Need to break the vicious circle of crime and punishment, hatred and revenge. An eye for an eye would turn the world blind. Need to examine as whether I am guided by complain or by commitment. Am I committed to assist others in their evolution or am I another bystander who is simply a commentator. Critical is who is to bell the cat. And the first cat is in me. Have I belled my cat? If I have then I can share my experiences with others.

If I can successfully do so, then I need to give way to others, let the competent ones take charge.' Give unto Caesar, what belongs to Caesar' '

Jis ki vastu Tis aage rakhe'. Must learn the technique of giving to others without strings attached. Need to first understand and then be understood.

Thus, I need to appreciate and adopt a philosophy that is evolutionary but after scanning it with a comb of rationality

' Aklee sahib saveyee, akli padh ke manie, aklee kija daan

Need to use wisdom, when I am serving the master, when reading text, and when effecting charity.

Remember the world is an expression of One - the Supreme Reality and that One is named differently

Upanishads - Sat Chit Anand.
Holy Bible - Lord.
Holy Quran - Allah.
Guru Granth Sahib - Waheguru - Wondrous Lord.

This reality by nature is complete. It’s a power that can project, sustain and dissolve in itself. It's self-fulfilling and evolving. Its complete, it's in harmony, in serenity. Its like a spider that delicately creates his web and then gets out of it when he desires. He isn't constrained by the web, he is in control. Web is simply an expression; it's not the end, the finality. It’s a simple ploy, a game. And when it wants to move on it simply does so.

Similarly shristi (creation) is the Masters projection but it isn't the complete master. Its like a dancer who has dance in her, its only when she performs its exhibited, else its wrapped inside. Dance is projection of he innate power. During the performance, you simply cannot separate the dance from the dancer. Similarly, the power and projection of power of the Master cannot be separated.

They are entwined, they are blended. They appear as one but are different in actuality. Such is the power of harmony that they appear as one - in an intricate value chain. Which none would like to touch? One simply wants to enjoy and savor the experience as it comes without any interference. Simply let it flow all through us.

Similarly dance and the world are dynamic- its ever changing, never static. The nature of the world and dance is Change but the dancer isn't changing. She is the same. It's only the expression that changes, and so each moment a new dance emerges.

Only the Master-the Supreme reality has the power to dilute itself, which he does
so by being present in all his beings- as consciousness, bliss and harmony. And yet some of us experience this abundance in penury and remain in self delusion- a state where one is ignorant to ones own self. If we have the patience to suffer, we also have the power to remove this delusion.

Ponder on what's my area of operations- delusion or power to eradicate it. And mind you, you will achieve success in what ever you focus on. More on delusion will get you abundance in delusion and more on eradication will delete it from your system. Either way you win. You decide your route plan.

Difference between a wise (realized) and an unwise person is that the former is in sync with all and the unwise is in sync with none.

Yatha Bramhande Thatah Pinde - As is the reality, so are we.

Your call folks now.

Courage - Its relevance in my LIFE

2007-02-18T01:12:00.000+05:30

Amusing it was, when in a workshop I was confornted with what courage meant - no philosophy, no jargons, no past instances highlighted in present - simply what it meant, for you and me?

Courage - a word used and abused by most . Tried to reflect, ponder and examine what it signifies?

We are not born with character. It is developed by the experiences and decisions that guide our lives. Each individual creates, develops and nurtures his or her own character.

Being a man or woman of character is no easy task. It requires tough decisions, many of which put you at odds with the more commonly accepted social norms of the times.

Making the right ethical choices must become a habit. Decisions cannot be situational, based on other's actions or dependent upon whom is watching.

Cowardliness in character, manifested by a lack of integrity, or honor, will sooner or later manifest itself as cowardliness in other forms.

People who have the will to face up to the ethical challenges in their daily lives, to remain faithful to sacred oaths, have a reservoir of strength from which to draw upon in times of great stress in the heat of battle.

Reflect - do i compromise to make through my way - give in easily - greasing palms for small jobs, running the other down to up my scores, using official time for personal gratifications, inventing excuses justifying my non-performance, conducting annual appraisal with results pre fixed?

Am i a whistle blower or possess a ' Chalta Hai' attitude means what's my issue - let the seniors do what they should do, i would only do what i am paid to do.

Do i intentionally make people wait, project that i am the only busy soul on this planet, the most wronged one by nature?

Do i fix things or I simply preach and give motherhood statements. Reflect when was the last time that I did the thing for the first time.

I need to continually explore myself and stretch my thinking envelope.

For me if we can do our work with integrity, honesty and commitment that's the only courage we can imbibe. rest all are empty coffee table discussions leading nowhere.

Your call folks now.

Business - is all about People and none else.

2007-01-21T12:08:00.000+05:30

Our experiences and interactions, with people of substance and vision, over a period of time, threw up some interesting perspectives, currently on, in the business environs:

1. Competition is global while the competencies are global too.
2. Technology and finance are less relative issues.
3. Speed- due to people gives competitive edge.
4. Outsource activities which are a routine or statutory.
5. Effect fast changes in the organizational structure.
6. Management technology is within every one's reach.
7. Knowledge improvements are high.
8. Customer's expectations are increasing, increasingly.
9. Brands will cease to be denominators.

In this volatile, dynamic,hostile and fluid environment can I merely afford to remain guarded or I need to do something else. Should I wake up early to the challenge or should I react when the challenge knocks at my door. Should I walk or run occasionally or should I be ever ready to sprint.

Challenging questions that stretch the limits of one's imagination are there. Each day throws up a new challenge, a new possibility and a new scenario. It stimulates me to run and inspires me - that the more I run, the more I want to run.

· Thus new business models would emerge and the speed of implementation would thus become critical- extremely critical. Hence greater focus would be on product innovations.

· Human resources thus would the only differentatior- the only stimulator and the only asset. Thus research would be a critical parameter- to gauge the efficacy, formalize the need establishment and plan the execution strategies. Professionals today need to break their own barriers and move from being pathetically bad professors to genuine executors and simulators.

· Meetings, thus, need to be meaningful and constructive interactions, where the over riding concept should be problem identification and resolution. Meetings need to be precise, concise and focused. Remember that 70% of work teams across diverse industries share their moods, beliefs- either constructive or destructive, in just 120 minutes, of their interaction. And how many of us are involved passionately in ending meetings- you need to ponder.

· Moods are extremely powerful emotions and leave a tremendous impact on the work output of the groups. The percentage of time, people feel positive emotions, at their workplace, determines their likelihood of stay there. Cheerfulness and warmth are contagious and spread like wild fire. Reverse also is true. Dejection, frustration and disappointment also engulf the corporation and retards its speed- in some cases forces it to a grinding halt.

· Every 1-% increase in the service climate results in 2% increase in corporation's revenues- a growth parameter, many corporations, still, fail to achieve.

· Human Resource professionals of today need to be business partners, strategists and business drivers. They need to inculcate a spirit of entrepreneurship and need to be reasonably equipped in all functional domains- Financial, Marketing, Operations, Logistics, Quality and, Technology etc. They need to learn their business first, before attempting to steer it.

· The Chief Executive needs to facilitate the Organization Development Activities. In fact hiring of external consultants, as his personal consultant would greatly assist him in diagnosing the exact problem, so as to effect the necessary remedial actions. He needs to spend more time in people management rather than in functional management.

Coupled with this the organization should have periodic satisfaction surveys, that encompass all employees, so as to pre determine the impending challenge. Coupled with this- the 360-degree appraisal feedback should be put in place.

Hewlett Packard experienced a 20% growth by simply realigning the people's context to the individual context while imbibing the virtues of trust and pride.

Reason for a consistent success of Glaxo- the corporation is more sensitive to changes in business goals as to be the most closet to the market and thus respond faster to the changing market scenario. And in the center are care, concern, empowerment and visioning of its resource personnel.

Your call now folks

Which One Are You

2007-01-21T11:50:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time, a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn't know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot.

He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes, he turned off the burners.

He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her, he asked. "Daughter, what do you see?" "Potatoes, eggs, and coffee," she hastily replied.

"Look closer", he said, "and touch the potatoes." She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face. "Father, what does this mean?" she asked. He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water.

However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water.

Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

"Which one are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?

Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

Which one are you?

When problems come (and they will) how will we react?

Will they make us weak, hard hearted or will they cause us to change into something worthwhile?

Think about it.

Stop wailing and whining – instead get up and kick start your life again.
Remember there are hundred thousand reasons justifying a failure, yet none is a good one.
Experience the totality, don’t get limited in limitations.
When in confusion, seek the right advice, don’t be a self created prisoner.
Success is having the courage to meet failure without being defeated.
Being defeated is often a temporary condition, giving up what makes it permanent.
Most of us have programmed scarcity, rather than abundance, in our thoughts.

The Day I Said, 'I Quit!'-My body gave a message I couldn't ignore -my job was making me sick.

2007-01-13T22:07:00.000+05:30

Have you completely lost your mind? I asked myself as I walked down the hall to the office of my boss. In my right hand I clutched the resignation letter I had typed the night before. I had worked for the same company for over a decade, my dedication and long hours finally paying off when I was promoted to upper management while still young. I had tons of responsibilities, and there were deadlines and daily crises.

One by one, relationships with friends dwindled as I lived and breathed my job. It had become my whole life, and I gave it 110 percent. I pumped myself up with caffeine during the day and took over-the-counter sleep aids to fall asleep at night.

I had five kinds of headache remedies and dozens of antacids in my purse as I pushed myself beyond my limits. I started keeping a pad and pen near my bed so I could take notes during those middle-of-the-night anxiety attacks that started to plague me.

Is that Me.

Finally, my body said, No more! I had taken three days off and planned to go to the beach and soak in the tranquility of sun, ocean and beach, but the morning I was scheduled to leave I couldn't even get up. My body refused to move. I was utterly exhausted and drained. I slept all day, getting up only to eat before collapsing back into bed. I lay on the examining table while a technician ran blood tests. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was shocked - an older woman stared back at me.

Who are you? I wondered. She didn't answer. The doctor came back in and pronounced me the healthiest sick person he had ever seen. "You have hyperstress," he said, and wrote a prescription.
"What am I supposed to take?" I asked. In a barely legible scrawl he had written on the pad: "Get a different job." That day I made a promise to myself: I will carve out time for myself every day.

I started walking my dogs again, trying to pay them back for all the times I'd left them. I picked up my journal, blew dust off the cover and began writing. Words came slowly at first, then more freely as my inner voice was finally allowed to speak. During the next three months it said: quit your job, over and over again.

So, with no firm plans for the future, I gave a thirty-day notice and then spent that month alternating between panic, regret and hysteria. The real shocker - that I was easily replaceable - came when the company filled my position two weeks after my notice.

Finally, I was free to embark on my journey of self-discovery. After a while, I realized I'd never really forgotten who I was - I had just covered it up with work, work and more work. As I took long, slow walks in the woods, I rediscovered my inner core. I listened to my body and slept when it was tired, ate when it was hungry. I reconnected with friends, read dozens of books and wrote in my journal.

That faith did not fail me.

That eight-week sabbatical changed my life and taught me that a life without balance isn't worth living - it isn't even livable! I felt a profound gratefulness to my body for sending me such a clear message. I had dipped my hand in the well of restoration, and I will never forget it. I had finally learned to define myself from the inside out, rather than the outside in.

Learning's

1. Transit from self pity to self belief

2. Give yourself a self - pat and take the call head on.

3. Remember you and only you is the catalyst of change - the change agent; each time, every time.

Personal experiences - K S Ahluwalia - Executive Coach and Mentor - Excalibre